river phoenix ; imagines

where were you? ; 2

INSPIRED BY THE SONG "from the dining table" BY HARRY STYLES

Everything hurts. it's been months, almost a year & your still stuck thinking about him. his stupid smile & laugh replayed in your head daily when you saw something he'd like or laugh at. the echo of his voice followed you from dawn to your dreams at night & it never seems to fade away.

your just attached, too attached. you tried going on dates, some being more successful than others, but you never go for a second date... because they aren't like him. they don't ask how your feeling, they don't ask about your interests much or they don't have similar things in common. they also don't have that darn twinkle in their eyes.

you know, when your admiring someone & your eyes just- they twinkle a bit no matter the lighting in the room? they just sparkle a bit? your not sure why but whenever river's twinkled, your heart rate quickened & your cheeks grew red. no one else has looked at you like that & you miss it.

you just seem to find something wrong with every date. maybe your avoiding moving on from him, or maybe your not ready to date yet? but it's been a year? what's holding you back? you don't even know...

***

sitting at your kitchen table, you stirred your spoon in your cup of coffee as you were working on some stuff for your work. after about an hour of hard work, your cup was empty & you were bored. you decided to take a break & watch some tv. after a few episodes of one of your favourite shows on netflix your phone began to ring.

you stood up & races to table were it was.

River Phoenix
is calling...

accept            decline

your heart stopped. he was calling you after all this time? a year, it took him this long to answer his phone? you picked up the phone & pressed accept, your breath hitching in your throat.

"um... hello?" you whispered, too scared to speak any louder.

all you heard was silence. a few breaths but that was it. the call ended a few seconds later. you tried calling back but it was declined. placing your phone back on the table, you walked back to your spot on the couch & sat down confused.

"why won't you ever say what you wanna say..." you mumbled to yourself, taking a deep breath before going back to your show.

why won't he? why

***

you felt like how you did the way you woke up many months ago when your ache started. your day started in a bed foreign to you with someone's arm wrapped around your waist. your eyes shot open as you remembered what happened previously. you went to a club with friends & went home with a guy you met at the dance floor.

you turned in the person's arms & your breath hitched in your throat. the guy looked like river. blonde hair, tanned skin & the facial structure was slightly identical. your mind started running wild until you fell back asleep in the strangers arms, drifting back into a deep sleep.

when you woke up again you were alone, the shower was running & the windows are opened a bit more. you covered yourself with the sheets as you contemplated your next move. you could leave quickly because he's in the shower but, your plan was foiled when the guy walked out shirtless with a pair of shorts.

you were still sleepy so you just curled back deeper into the sheets.

"your up now huh?" the guy asked, sitting beside you on the bed.

"mhmm, i'm trying to sleep riv- brandon" you mentally cursed yourself for forgetting his name for a second, it was brandon right?

"i gotta get to my job, my shift starts soon. you can stay around if you want... till i get back around 4 maybe?" he asked, moving some hair away from your face.

"okay" you said, not thinking clearly.

"okay, see you" he kissed your forehead & left the room, the front door closing soon after he got into his uniform.

you immediately left afterwards, leaving brandon a small note with your number, you don't know why. when you arrived back to your apartment you cried. it was childish but you did, you cried when you showered to rid yourself of the previous activity you participated in the night before.

you felt wrong, you felt like you did something so wrong. your supposed to be feeling happy & free that you aren't with river anymore, that you can have one night stands & go on dates. you should be enjoying finding someone new... shouldn't you?