river phoenix ; imagines

words matter

You stood in your apartment, alone. you messed up the one good thing you had in your life & you hated yourself for it. you started a stupid argument with river & he immediately left, slamming the door as tears rushed down both of your cheeks. you got upset at him for his busy schedule, be sure you haven't seen him in a while & you just miss him.

you didn't mean to spit out those awful words & you didn't mean to hurt him, you felt terrible. he wasn't picking up his phone so you just sat aimlessly in the living room, waiting for him to come back or him to call you.

river on the other hand drove around town aimlessly for hours until he stopped at a random park. he got out of his car & walked around till he found a small lake with large rocks to sit on. he stayed there for a while, processing over what had happened earlier & his hurt hurt. he hates fights, he hates getting angry with you & both of you raising your voices at each-other.

he wishes he could go back to your apartment & try to make things right, but this time he waited for you to reach out. he wanted to see if you would reach out first, if you would try to get him to come back on your terms, not his. so he crashed at a friends house for the night. he couldn't sleep. he tried but he can't get good sleep without you, which it stupid to say but it's true.

you fell asleep on your couch after hours of trying to sleep in your bedroom. you cried a lot, which helped you sleep more due to how tired you were. the next day came around & you woke up with an ache in your chest. you & river still haven't spoke since yesterday & you were worried he didn't want to come back. you decided to clean up, have a shower & maybe that would put you in a better mood.

but you still felt the same. you grabbed your phone & texted him:

Y/N 💗
hey. can you come over
so we could talk?

Y/N 💗
you can come whenever.
i just want to work
things out.
please?

you then put your phone down & made yourself some food. after you ate you did everything to try to keep yourself busy as you waited for him to respond. you baked cookies, you watched a movie, read a book for a while, went to the gym, did some grocery shopping & you slept for a while but your mind was still racing. by now, it was 6pm & he still hasn't responded.

you sat on your kitchen counter with some chips & silently cried. you messed up & he didn't even want to talk to you. god, you hated yourself for this. deciding to call it a night, you headed to your bedroom to sulk & watch movies. as you were halfway through one your phone beeped & your heart started to beat fast.

it read:

RIVER 🥰🦋❤️
you able to talk now?
i can come over now
if that's okay with you.

you immediately texted back:

Y/N 💗
yeah, sure.
just make sure you
text me when you get
here, my doorbell broke.

you then started to mentally prepare yourself for what you were gonna say. soon enough, he texted you saying he was outside & you walked to your front door, your hands trembling as your chest started to constrict from your lack of breathing, you were that nervous. you opened the door & was met with sad eyes. you felt terrible because he looked terrible.

you welcomed him in & walked over to you couch.

"so um, what did you uh want to talk about?" he asked, paying with his fingers as his foot bounced up & down.

"i wanted to say i'm sorry. i'm selfish. i was being selfish & i'm not sure why but i was just... i don't know. i just started to explode for some reason & i let it all out on you & i feel terrible. i hated what i said to you yesterday & i just wish it never happened. i'm sorry river" you said as you stared at the ground.

"why were you so upset? i know i'm working a lot more often now but... i try my best to make time for you y/n, your one of my top priorities. you know that, right?" he asked, looking at you.

"i guess sometimes, i overthink everything. i sometimes feel like i don't deserve this, like i don't deserve you. your perfect for me, but with the whole being famous part, i feel like i don't fit in with that part of your life & it makes me so annoyed sometimes. i'm not famous, i don't have a lot of money... but you do. you also have fans & people who want to work with you all the time so your always busy with that. i just miss you a lot & i guess i just bursted out are you & i said things that i definitely shouldn't have" you looked at him & took a deep breath.

"y/n, the fame... it's nice. the money is nice, the fans are amazing & the projects i've been able to do are also amazing. but nothing, even all that... it doesn't matter to me. well it does but, it's not my whole life. your apart of it too, your one do the core parts. without you, i wouldn't have someone to come back to after everything. your my rock, you keep me from letting the fame get to my head. i'm sorry for not being around much, i'll do everything to fix that. but y/n, angel... your everything to me. i promise" he stood up at walked infront of you, holding out a hand.

you took it & immediately wrapped him into a hug.

"i'm sorry river. i'm so proud of you for everything, your talent amazes me, always. i shouldn't have raised my voice or said those shitty things. forgive me?" you asked.

"y/n, tell me next time when you feel like this. don't bottle it up please. i forgive you, always. i love you angel" he kissed your head & held you closer, happy knowing that you too are okay.

"i love you more river, so much" you pulled away slightly & gave him a kiss.

you & him just stood there for a while & kept hugging, thankful that you both are on the same page now.

sorry i haven't updated in a while loves, life has been tough the pass couple days. hope you all are okay & staying safe from COVID-19. love you all ❤️