BBS One Shots

Secret (MiniCat)

"How long is this going to go on, Tyler?" I look over at the naked man beside me, his dull blue eyes never leaving the ceiling. 

Craig and I have secretly been together since Sophmore year. It started with us both just experimenting as friends. A few kisses and sloppy handjobs now and then. Eventually, we moved onto friends with benefits Junior Year, screwing every which way whenever we could. Now as Seniors, It's gone to booty calls and stress fucks.  We keep this all away from our friends, bickering and laughing like normal whenever we're with them. No one suspects a thing. It's the perfect operation to me, It's the most ideal. 

But Craig has always wanted to be more than this. Since we started. Craig has a luxury I don't have, he is openly gay. He gets bullied and his parents kicked him out to squat in old hotels and friend's houses. At least he's not living a lie. Me on the other hand, I'm the star quarterback, breaker of hearts and heads. My parent's perfect straight son. They've always been accepting but I don't think I could bring myself to ruin my family's name like that. Craig doesn't understand that. So this question always finds it's way around. 

"Until you want it to stop. Honestly, Craig, I don't know why you even bother with me. There are plenty of other gay guys that want to dick you down." I reply looking away from him and sitting on the edge of the bed to pull my boxers back on. Craig sits up behind me, putting his chin on my shoulder and pressing his body against my back. 

He wraps his arms around my chest and he nuzzles his face into my cheek.

"But I want you, Tyler. We have something that I couldn't have with anyone else. If you would just admit that your gay-" I stop him.  

"You know I can't, Craig. Do you know what that would do to me? It would ruin me. Me and my family." I snap getting a scoff from Craig as he pulls away and falls back onto the bed. 

"Who cares? It's better than living this dumb lie. You're gay, Tyler. If you won't admit to your family and friends, at least admit it to yourself." I glare back at him. 

"I'm not having this fight with you." I try to keep my voice calm and steady but it's hard when he's so frustrating. I pray that's the end of it but of course he has to keep pushing it. 

"Why not, Tyler? It's about time we talked about this. You've been in denial for years and I'm sick of waiting for you to finally grow the balls to accept who you are and be with me." Craig's words are sharp but backed by hurt. 

"If I didn't accept myself I wouldn't be here with you! I'm just not ready for everyone else to know. Can't you understand that?" I say, anger seeping into my words. 

"It's nothing to be ashamed of! Can't you understand that? and who cares what everyone else thinks?" Craig retorts, watching me pull on my joggers. I whip my head around to face him. 

"I care! No college recruiter is going to want a gay guy on their team! No one will ever look at me the same again. This could ruin my future, my possible career. I can't have that." 

"So you're saying your reputation with the sluts and the jocks is more important that who you are and how you actually feel?" Craig crosses his arms over his chest. 

"I'm saying that I'm not going to fuck up the rest of my life because the boy I've been screwing wants to go on dinky ass dates and hold hands and swap spit where everyone can see!" As soon as the words tumble out of my mouth, I regret them. Craig's face goes blank with hurt. 

His voice is quiet as he speaks, "Is that all I am to you? A quick fuck?" 

No, you're not. I want to date you more than anything and show you off. I want to be with you, Craig. You know I do. That's what I want to say. But instead, I straighten up and grab my shoes and hoodie. I turn from him before speaking, my words coming out heated and emotionless.