falling [asanoya/ennotana] 🌦

facetime therapy

.azumane.

'can any of you video call right now? i'm not feeling well, and i need to talk to someone.'

hardly a minute had passed before i saw three dots pop up from suga first, then daichi. i knew they would respond quickly with a message like that. we'd been friends for so long, they knew how bad my anxiety could get at times, and would always try to respond and help me as quickly as they could.

they had both messaged back that they would be able to call, so i tapped the button, having to try a couple times before my shaking fingers were finally able to get it.

seconds later, their worried faces appeared on the screen. i always felt so awkward on video calls and never knew what to do with my face, so i was tempted to turn off my camera, but i knew they would want to see my face to more accurately assess how i was feeling, so i kept it on.

"what's the matter?" daichi asked immediately, at the same time suga asked, "do you need either of us to come over?"

i bit my lip and squeezed my eyes closed for a second.

"you don't need to come over, it's not that bad. i- i feel like i can't breathe."

"again, i'll ask: what happened?" daichi demanded sternly.

"i talked to noya."

i heard suga gasp quietly.

"did it go alright? did either of you cry? was there any physical fighting? are you back together? are you working things out as friends? does he hate you? did he-"

daichi shushed suga, which i was glad for. i couldn't take the bombardment of questions so soon, especially not in this state.

"what exactly happened during your talk that made you so upset?" daichi inquired calmly.

i swallowed, which felt impossible around the lump in my throat, and wiped my sweaty hands on my pants.

i let one hand cover the upper half of my face as i used the other one to hold my phone.

"things got a little too real, and i... i feel like too much of a coward to even confront my feelings."

"asahi." this time it was suga who had finally calmed down. "please start from the beginning and actually explain what happened and what was said, otherwise we won't be able to help you."

"alright. he wanted to talk about why we broke up."

"okay, sorry to interrupt, but why did that happen? i thought everything was going so well between you guys?"

"well, it was, everything was so great, but... you both know that a short while ago i decided to go to college for that fashion design apprenticeship program after graduating instead of looking for a job immediately. ever since i made that decision, i've been trying to figure out how long distance would work, and i just couldn't justify it to myself. every scenario in my head ended in disaster, and he would hate me, and i would end up in some dead-end job, alone and fat forever."

daichi and suga exchanged a glance- one that i knew well. it was the look that meant they were exasperated by me whenever i started worrying too much. and i knew that maybe that exact situation wouldn't happen, but i couldn't help worrying anyway.

"you know that wouldn't happen," suga said.

"and even if it did, being fat isn't the end of the world," daichi added. "plus, you would still have us."

"okay, but what if in this alternate future-"

"asahi," they both said sternly at the same time, and i smiled sheepishly.