falling [asanoya/ennotana] 🌦

the Vibes are Off, and this chapter gave me The Big writer's block

a/n: seriously tho, this chapter gave me so much trouble, because for so long i was just building up to Next Wednesday, and then when i got there i just- didn't know quite where to go after that. once i got into the flow, it wasn't too bad, but anyway, my writing gets a lil worse with writer's block, so pls bear with that.

.nishinoya.

i laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

i was just trying to comprehend everything that happened. asahi would be leaving after graduation.

i had always thought he was sticking around.

and of course, i wasn't going to stick around, but at least i was planning on waiting til my last year of uni before i left for italy.

i guess i need to restructure all my fantasies of the future accordingly then.

we won't be able to spend time together outside of school unless it's a holiday or something. and that's thinking optimistically, if he decides to come and visit.

i wanted to talk to ryū about it, and i would-- in a couple minutes. but for now my head was swimming, and it felt like i couldn't focus on anything with all the new information i had just absorbed.

so i sort of let my thoughts wander how they would please, and just let my brain sort everything out by itself.

///

when i finally opened my eyes and grabbed my phone again, i saw it had been closer to fifteen minutes than five.

i shook my head slightly and rubbed my eyes, trying to shake off this weird, groggy feeling.

i clicked the call button. it rang and rang and rang, but... he didn't pick up.

i frowned.

a minute later i got a text from him saying he was already in a call with ennoshita, but if i wanted to call back later that would be fine.

i sighed and flopped back down.

everything about this afternoon and evening, and honestly just this whole day in general feels... wrong.

it's hard to explain, but somehow the vibes are off.

i banged my head back against my pillow a couple times, kicking around a bit to try to release some of this nervous energy.

then i plugged in my headphones to listen to some music. i scrolled through my library until i found a song that fit the vibe. arrow, by half alive.

'life begins to happen when i plan something else. trying to be somebody, but all i got was someone else. my plan's always changing, always rearranging, no. slow it down, release control, slow and steady, let me know.'

i covered my face and squeezed my eyes shut as the lyrics washed over me.

my plans did seem to be changing quite a bit recently, especially with this big revelation. and i guess i was trying to be somebody, but i didn't stay that way.

and by somebody, i perhaps mean asahi's boyfriend. 👁👄👁

'the hardest place to be is right where you are. in the space between. the finish and the start. it's the arrow in your heart.'

oh shit, now these lyrics were really resonating.

it was pretty hard to be around asahi these days when i just couldn't seem to get over him. just being friends with him was so difficult, but i hoped it would get easier with time.