falling [asanoya/ennotana] 🌦

to be So Lonely

"don't call me baby again, you got your reasons. i know that you're tryna be friends, i know you mean it. but don't call me baby again. it's hard for me to go home, to be so lonely."

.nishinoya.

i flopped onto my bed after getting home and immediately pulled out my phone.

on the walk home, i had sort of been thinking over the Talk. it was definitely more lighthearted than the one last night, but... it was draining in a way.

and when asahi went to hug me... i felt a little bit like crying. it was so painfully familiar, and i wanted to hug him so badly, but again, it was just too soon.

now i just had a weird, empty, lonely feeling.

i sent a quick text to ryū: 'can u call?' and waited.

'sure thing,' he replied a minute later.

i pressed the video chat button, and waited for several seconds until the call connected.

"okay, i just got back home, and it seemed normal enough while i was there, but looking back on it, it was actually pretty weird."

he hesitated for a second before replying.

"weird in what way? you guys didn't have sex or anything did you?"

"ew, no, get your mind out of the gutter. we didn't even- never mind, that's not important right now. so first of all- well not first chronologically, but the weirdest thing by far- asahi got shot in the neck with a nerf dart?"

"wait, what?"

"yeah, i know right? it was so weird. anyway, lemme start from the beginning real quick."

"that's the logical way to tell it," he agreed.

"okay, so i was waiting outside the changing room, and i guess i startled him when he left cuz he practically screamed and jumped a foot in the air, it was funny. then he was like 'oh, it's you,' and i went, 'well dang, don't sound so happy to see me,' and he was all, 'oops, sorry, you startled me.' i was like, 'wow, i never would've guessed, anyway, let's sit down, same place as last time.' so we went to that little bench near the bike rack by the side of the gym and sat there again. once we got there, he said, 'so what did you wanna talk about?' and i apologized for calling him cruel and a coward, and he said it was okay, so i was like, 'neat, moving on to my next point.' i talked about how weird it felt that things were normal so soon again, and he said he understood that and asked how we wanted to move forward on that, and i was like, 'how about taking things slow, and building our relationship back up a little bit at a time,' and he was like, 'sounds good to me,' then asked if there was anything else i wanted to talk about."

i took a huge gasp of air that ended in a coughing fit.

"whoa, careful, bro, don't die," ryū said, looking concerned.

i laughed a bit, still coughing slightly.

"i'll try not to."

"you'd better not."

"alright, so then i said i felt like he still wasn't telling me why he broke up with me, and THAT'S when he got shot by the nerf dart. i was confused but he was like, 'it's probably nothing,' which meant that obviously he knew what was going on there. but yeah, he admitted there was something else, so i was like, 'well, what is it?' and he was sort of hesitating, maybe trying to dodge the question again, or just figure out the right way to say it. so then i was like, 'did you cheat on me?' cuz the last time we called, you suggested him having a side chick, and obviously he's gay so that's out of the question, but the thought still kind of stuck in my mind. he got a little anxious, but then he said he didn't, and i was like, 'okay, then why? you still love me, you didn't cheat on me, why did you break up with me?'"