And it all started with this meet & greet - Ondreaz Lopez

Chapter 49: "I love you, sister"

Soph's POV: 

With trembling hands, I took the thick envelope out of the package. It was for Soph, neatly written on the front, the other was for Matt. The last time I had heard from my parents was over half a year ago, it was mid October. 

 I struggled to open the envelope and pulled out some sheets of white paper, which was handwritten. 

 Dearest Sophia,

 I know that it is perhaps a bit too late to apologize to you and also that I only do it in writing is not really the way I appreciate it, but I would like to get rid of the following words and ask you to read them carefully. 

 Here in Africa you don't really have many opportunities, at least not where your mother and I are, so I have a lot of time to think. And a lot of things have become clear to me here. Many things have scared me myself. They all concern your brother and you and I am not proud of them, because the realization that hit me was hard. 

 We weren't there for you. As inexplicable as this may sound, I have only now become aware of this. You have developed your mask so well that I have never really looked behind the facade. I bought every smile, every laugh. Only in retrospect do I realize how wrong all these little things were. 

 Our work has distanced us from you, I shouldn't have let it happen, because it was never in our interest to hurt you in any way. Even though we did not express it very often and told or showed you: we love you.

 We were already so far away from both of you that the only things that connected us somehow, in an absurd way, were the expensive gifts. So parents should not stand by their children under any circumstances, I am now aware of that. 

Soph, I have so much to tell you and I'm sorry I don't do it personally, you more than deserve a face-to-face conversation, but this is the only way I can really get in touch with you right now. Besides, you can't interrupt me like this. 

 There are days in life when you are alone and think about the things you did wrong in the past. The biggest mistake of my life was not giving you the love you deserve. 

You must know we love you, with every fiber of our bodies, but it is difficult for us to show these feelings. I always thought I had the connection to you, for hours we played chess and you told me about the time we were absent, but you never once revealed your feelings to me, only now I realize that. 

I think I now know how you feel and I really would have liked to bring order into this immeasurable chaos. I thought I knew everything a father needs to know, but I was wrong. I knew nothing. I don't know my own daughter. 

I don't know what of what I once took to be the truth is really true. And it pains me to know that you are a stranger to me. We have often been harsh and have reprimanded you, forbidden you things that we felt were bad and thus made sure that you pushed us further and further away from you. What a fool I was to think we could do good to you. 

 I always had the impression that you would enjoy playing the piano, which was the reason why we entered you in all the competitions. We wanted to show you what talent you have. We saw it as a good chance for your future. And for once, we were right. You did get a scholarship. 

 It wasn't until I heard you were dropping out that I realized we were wrong again. You love music, I know that, I feel that - for once - and the scholarship has distanced you further and further from that love. That's also why we allowed you to drop out. 

 I knew that if I forced you to continue, you would eventually make the music responsible for our misconduct and stop playing it. There is little I care about more than that you keep the joy of it.