[ FINISHED - unedited ]
❝How do I... How do I stop them?"
"You want to stop them?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," I nodded.
She immediately broke out into a high-pitched laugh. "Oh Laura, you can't.❞
Every prestigious high school has this. A group...
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I know that I'm stuck In this misery Guess I'm not enough
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FOR ONCE IN MY entire life, I did not have a plan. I didn't have an idea or a clue, or a way out of what I had coming for me.
Not even stupid plans that would never work like killing off my parents and running away. I didn't feel stuck or frozen in time, or even hopeless. I just felt useless all around. I couldn't make my parents proud, I couldn't give Tao what she deserved, I couldn't be a good friend to Savien or Luca or anyone else for that matter. I couldn't even kiss the boy I maybe like.
Which is one of the only things I'd been thinking about constantly since Sunday. I had the chance, and I wanted to so badly especially now that I couldn't. I don't know what made me have these feelings, and I hated myself also for having them because his actions in the past will never be excused. But I do. Something about Isaia was comforting. Maybe just his presence in general but something about Sunday made me not hate him all that much.
I don't know if I'd ever be able to see us together in any sort of relationship. But I wanted to try. Or I think I wanted to.
I didn't even know, which is why I didn't kiss him that one day. I couldn't lead him on, or myself on. But instead, I'm left wondering 'what if'.
What if everything didn't go to shit. What if I moved here and Reece didn't follow. What if my parents just loved me and weren't always expecting things from me I couldn't give them. What if I never had to transfer schools and what if I kissed Isaia.
Then I'd probably be happy. But happiness is a lot to ask for in life when every time you've gotten close to achieving that feeling it was ripped away from you. I've started having nightmares. Really bad nightmares that cause me to wake up screaming, sweating in a dark room alone with no one to reassure me it's okay. Shaking in my bed and staring at the open windows until I could fall asleep again hours later.
And the nightmares always include my parents. The one I had just last night featured my oh so loving Mother. I pushed her off the top of the empire state building, and she grabbed my arm and pulled me down with her. As I was falling, I looked back up and saw her standing safely at the top of the building as the world rushed past me and gravity drove me into the ground.
