Crow Flies Straight

Juice Ending ~ Part 2

Once Chibs left, Gemma hugged Juice again then pulled him towards the couch to sit down, "Come on, tell momma Gem what's going on in that big tattooed head of yours." She reaches over and grabbed her smokes lighting one up and offering one to Juice. He took it with shaky hands and puffed a few times before he finally spewed out all the shit that has been going on, "Kitty filed for divorce." At that Gemma cursed, "Shit. What did you do to cause that?" Normally anyone would take offense to just being assumed they were the reason for anything bad happening, even if it was true, but everyone knew how Kitty handled herself. She loved hard, strong, loyal and supportive everlasting, and wouldn't do something so rash unless she felt she was betrayed.

At that, Juice leaned his body forward, resting his elbows on his knees, wiping away a tear, he was so tired of crying but he was just so full of pain and anguish, "I got in my head. Figured she was too good for me ya know? I'm just a soldier in the club, nothing really important. Hell I'm still treated like I'm an imbecile and a prospect half the time unless they need me to do my tech stuff. I don't really feel like I'm part of the club, just there for convenience." "Oh baby..." she coddled as she now rubbed his back soothingly, "You are part of the club, they just pick on and treat everyone like shit, even on a good day. They know your fucking worth which is why they kept you around and trust you to do the important computer shit that no one else is capable of but could easily manage without. And when it all boils down in the end, the guys love you and will always have your back."

At that Juice scoffed a chuckle, "Is that why they took my fucking kutte from me?" He looked towards Gemma for a second with doubt in his eyes before looking back down to his feet, "Honey, they took it away to not just protect the fucking club, but to protect you too. We all know the club comes first, even above any individual member, but they will always try and do what's fucking right by that member, in the best way they know how." Juice nodded his head, somewhat understanding but his insecurities still plaguing him. "Now tell me what the fuck happened with you and Kitty." Gemma said, finally getting to the heart of the matter. By now Juice had finished his cigarette and put it out to where he just sat there with his head in his hands, staring at the carpet and recalling all the pain of the last, what, 5 months? He wasn't sure, his brain was a mess.

"I fucked it up." He started holding back the tears, "Well that's a given." She commented but he ignored it, "I— I ended up letting my thoughts the— fucked up ones of all the darkness and insecurities take root in my head, and I couldn't shake them for about two months and so I started to pull away from her. She tried, she really did try to help, but I wouldn't let her, I— I just had it set in my mind by then that she deserved better than me, a pathetic excuse of a club member who is no better in the club eyes than a prospect. While she— she was, is, amazing." A smile crept up to his lips at the memory of his wife, "Kitty is a wonderful mother to Lucas, was always supportive and understanding when I got in my head, but she is so much more. She— she's well educated, owns a billion dollar company, is hella rich, and absolutely fucking gorgeous! Even while pregnant or puking up chunks... so why the hell would she want to be with me? I'm a nobody. I can't even provide for her like a man is supposed to because she's got all that money. So what good am I to her? I'm just dead weight." He shoved his hands over his eyes as the tears started up again. He was so tired of crying, his eyes hurt so badly.

"Baby, she wants to be with you because she loves you. Yes, she has money and all that other bullshit but she would give it all up just to be with you, because it means absolutely fucking nothing to her compared to how much you mean to her. You are SOMEBODY to her." She was still rubbing his back comfortingly like a mother would her child. "Doesn't matter, I don't mean shit to her now..." he turned to look at her, his eyes red and raw, "...I fucked it all up Gem... I cheated on her with some croweater and she found me the next morning. I— I purposely sabotaged my own fucking marriage to the most perfect woman in the world because I believe she deserves better than me and I wanted to give her an out." Gemma scoffed lightly, "Well that was fucking stupid..."