STILL | 𝘯. 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘯 (book 2) ✔

Chapter 57: Wherever You Are.

[And I know I shouldn't tell you, 
but I just can't stop thinking of you]

Niall's Pov:

      "Baby..." Heather complains. I roll my eyes discreetly and look over at her. "Are you mad at me?" 

      I shake my head, "No." 

      "Oh, okay. Good. I was getting worried that maybe you were mad at me." She says in her preppy voice. Don't get me wrong, Heather is a nice girl and all but she's just too... Too much. She's really clingy and EXTREMELY overprotective. She doesn't let me go anywhere without her. I mean, I guess I understand her reasoning, but still. Since I've started seeing, I never got a minute alone, unless I was with the boys.

      "Why would I be mad at you?" I ask as she began to roll on top of me. The same way Emily did. 

      She shrugs, "I don't know. I never know what goes on in that mind of yours." She says flicking back a loose strand of my hair. Simple answer. Emily. I know I shouldn't be thinking of her, especially now that I'm dating Heather. But I can't help it. There are so many things that I wish Heather had been, but then I realize that I can't change Heather into Emily. Emily was so good at everything. She understood me and was able to tell what I was thinking just by looking at me.

      Heather can't do that. She's always yelling at me that I don't listen to her because I "screw something up". I was able to read Emily's mind and she was able to read mine. We knew what we liked and disliked. We knew how we wanted things. But with Heather, it's like a goddamn World War 3. With Emily, yes we had small disagreements, but it was nothing that we couldn't fix. With Heather, she gets pissed if I don't get her order right and then screams at me for not listening to her. It's toxic, I'll admit it. But I could never admit it to the boys. They would just tell me that they told me so and I already know that they did. They said to keep Emily. Even if we couldn't see her, to keep her.

      But with paparazzi following my every damn move and spreading out rumors, it was hard to convince her that nothing was happening. That's what I loved most about her. She stood her ground. She protects herself. "Niall, can we have a little fun?" Heather bats her fake eyelashes in a flirty way while beginning to trail her long acrylics down my sides. That's different from Emily too. We never had to ask if we wanted or needed something of that sort. It would just come naturally and we would let it happen. 

      "Not right now, Heather. I'm a little tired." I lied just to avoid sleeping with Heather. 

      "Oh, come on... You can't stay up for a little quickie?" I wanted to snap at her and tell her no.

      It was never as good with a girl like Heather. She was so small and quiet. It was like having sex with a stick, and I kid you not, she moves a lot. Emily on the other hand... STOP IT, NIALL! Why do I keep comparing her to Emily? Of course they can't compete because I would choose Emily over everyone. But it's my fault. I was the one who moved on, not her. I wanted to wait, I really did. But it was like the universe was out to get me. Girls would throw themselves at me in pubs and drag me out of there. Of course I accepted it, it was a way to get over Emily. A distraction. It hurt a lot to know that I was the one who suggested that we broke up. I couldn't handle the distance of knowing that she wasn't there. She agreed because it was killing her too.

      I promised myself that I would wait. But I didn't, and it comes back to haunt me every minute of every day ever since she came home. It's like this past year came out to get me when she came back. It was like she got even more beautiful than before. Or maybe it was just from not seeing her in so long.

      Ever since she left, it was like a piece of me was taken away. Knowing that she went through an eating disorder for a year killed me. I could've been there to help her and made sure that she ate. But no, my dumbass decided to break things off because of my feelings. I didn't take hers into consideration. I hate myself because of that. But now that she was back, I had to get my shit together and break up with Heather and get Emily back. But, what if she doesn't want me back?

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[Wherever You Are - 5 Seconds Of Summer]

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A/N:

Oop.

That's all.

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TPWK. 

All the love, C. xx