The Real Me

Enough!!!

We called Ben's uncle and Ben went with him. It was weird how his uncle took him home instead of taking him to the doctor. Ben's expression was very disturbing when I talked about taking him to the doctor. Anyways, the rest of the trip went pretty normal and I returned home.

"Welcome back." My mom was sitting on the living room couch when I reached home.

"T-Thank you." She never welcomed me home, something is wrong about this atmosphere.

"Have a seat, we need to talk." Fucking knew it!

I sat down and she didn't waste a single second before speaking.

"It wasn't the teacher on the phone right?" I'M FUCKED TODAY~

"Yes, it was Ben. I'm sorry."

"How could you do this Sinclair!? I trusted you!"

"I didn't tell him to do that, he snatched my phone. How is this my fault and why did you even let me go if you knew?"

"The teacher called me about the change in plans and he said that he didn't call me before. Why are you letting that guy manipulate you? He betrayed your feelings Sin."

"He isn't manipulating me, he taught me to enjoy things. He understands me better than both of you, and I don't like him anymore so you don't have to worry about me."

"Better than us? I didn't know you were so easy to manipulate Sin. I'm disappointed in you." As soon as I heard the word 'disappointed', I just lost it.

"You never gave me a hug or even some comforting words. You were always busy doing your surgeries. I understand that surgeries are important but you never treated me like your daughter. And now that I've finally found someone to lean on to, you tell me to push him away? I had enough of your bullshit mom. You either let me do what I like or disown me."

Okay, I admit that the last part went too far. But I couldn't control myself, these words were the result of years of self restraint. The bottle had to burst open after so many years of holding back.

"Look at you! Using such impolite words on your own mom, that guy has really changed you. You better stop talking to him or I'll transfer you to another school." Transfer!? Yes, cause I finally found some people to call friends?

"He isn't the reason I changed. I changed after realizing that there's no point in studying my ass off cause you two are never satisfied. You never compliment me and expect me to be better. You compare me to kids I don't even know. I had enough of hearing your 'be a doc' statement, I wanna do something I like and I don't care if you want to support me in this or not."

"Sin!!" She yelled my name and slapped me. The sound echoed all over the room. Few seconds later she realized what she did and looked at me with those regretful eyes. I didn't say anything and walk passed by her.

I stormed into my room and laid down on my bed. I wasn't sad, I was angry. I was always angry on her actually but I never told her about my dreams and she kept on expecting more like I wasn't human. She never asked what would make me happy.

This is a mess, I didn't want to fight with her but disappointed!? She has no idea how hard I tried not to make her say that word to me. I wanted to make them happy even though I was dying inside. Every night I'd think to myself, 'Am I happy?' and then I'd say 'Anything for my parents' and act like I'm okay while bottling things up. But there's no point in such a sacrifice, all they care about are my grades, not me.

But- was bursting out like that really necessary? Could I have done it in a calmer way?