The Real Me

I'll give her time.

"I-It's fine, don't worry." You say it's fine but I already see that you're gonna avoid me until you sort it out.

"If you say so..." This is going to be a long day.

On the way to school: Oh god, this is so awkward, but staying like this is better than talking this out. I regret asking to go to school together.

"Why are two so silent? Did something happen?" Dee said suddenly appearing like a ghost. Here we go again, Someone had to question us.

Sin helping Sara in the background: Why do people even bother to waste their energy on bullying? Wait- why's she- and she found another thing to avoid me with. I admire her quality of helping people but she needs the actual help right now. I looked at the side and found her bag lying there, I'll take it to the infirmary I guess.

"I'll take her bag to the infirmary, see you later." I said to Dee. I lifted the bag up and felt like my spine was gonna snap into two pieces. What the fuck does she carry? Lemme see.

Holy moly, I understand 1 laptop but why 3!? And there are boulders!? What the actual fuck- This is so fucking heavy. I need to start working out man. Also both of them come to school quite early huh. How do people get the energy to bully so early? I yawned as I reached the infirmary.

"Or maybe because you wanted to avoid Chase." I was about to open the door but stopped as soon as I heard my name. Why are they talking about me? I decided to stand there and listen.

"Both actually. But how do you know that?" Both huh.

"Everyone is talking about how Chase looks at you. Thanks to him I'm slowly getting over you."

Wait everyone!? And Sara likes Sin!? What the actual fuck!! Of course I don't know any of this shit. Have I been living under a rock?

"Yeah it's time you fall for someone who can reciprocate your feelings." She is taking it pretty well. Just the Sin I know.

"I think you like Chase." I'm not going to lie, I knew it too but I was still a little surprised by her for saying it so directly.

"No I don't." Not sure about that ma'am!
"How are you so sure?" Exactly!!

"I'm not ready. My heart is not ready to start making someone my priority. So I always tell myself that I don't like them and my feelings stop growing at some point. That's how it's always been. I like them but I'm not ready." I was hearing the voices of other students who were passing by. I looked at the floor as I heard her words. I was joking around just a few seconds ago but she is actually taking it seriously and saying her true feelings.

But why does it still hurt? She is being true to her feelings and saying what she feels but still I'm not satisfied. Why am I so selfish?

"I see. Isn't that because you're afraid that they will leave you in the end?" This girl is really determined to know her feelings huh.

"Yes." Even she's going along.

"How are you sure that Chase will leave you?" I'll at least know her feelings even if it's like this.

"Enough of your questions. Let's treat that wound." Tch. I was almost ready for the rejection. It still hurts real bad but this is how life works. I'll just- uhhm.. give it to Dee. I ran to class and found Dee almost near our class.

"Hey can you drop Sin's bag? I need to go to the washroom."

"Sure." I gave her the bag and ran away. I can't face Sin like this.

I went to the washroom and looked in the mirror. I'm not that ugly inside or outside. I treat females quite well- wait I was a real jerk to her when we first met, nevermind. I need to change that. I'm good with school and have quite some talent. But here I am getting heartbroken and hiding at the washroom. Man I'm miserable. I'll go outside after lunch break.

At the cafeteria.

Oh, she's over there. "Hey, can I sit with you guys?" Let's see if she ignores me again.

"Sure." Thanks Dee!

"Thanks. Sin you also chose that milkshake? It's really good." I had to start a small talk.

"I know right." She's avoiding eye contact again. This girl is just unbelievable. Okay, I'll play with you then.

"Hey, Sinclair, Matt is asking for you. Can you come right now?" Satan is playing with me again. Some other time then.

School without friends is boring but I don't wanna be a thirdwheel between Dee and Lucas so Imma fuck off. I used to be fine even without friends but now look at me, feeling like I don't have any other option. A lot happened since I came here. Made some good friends whom I can trust and fool around with. Got a girl who likes me back but isn't ready to date- wait- I'm not leaving her so why can't we date? If she still refuses me then I'll make her fall for me even harder. I'll give her time to fall for me. Yes!

I know I should just give up but, I like her, I want her to be happy and only I can make her happy. I've seen her smile the brightest with me. I wanna see that smile everyday.

Ring, ring.

Ugh who's calling right now, mom? I wonder why. "Mom what's up? Wait- are you crying? What happened!?"

"Wait- y-you're kidding right? Please tell me it's a lie."

"I'm coming home right now."

This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. This is really bad.