Oath |H.S|

Track 20. | Somebody To Love

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"Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet,
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord, what you're doing to me"

Song: Somebody To Love - Queen

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Bowie

I can't fucking sleep.

This road trip has felt like a week but in reality we've been on the road to Florida for two hours total.

I look up at the dark ceiling above me in the confined bunk. Liam let me nap in his bunk as Niall was being loud in the living room and it was pissing me off along with smirky just glaring at me every time I spoke or moved a muscle.

I've been tossing and turning trying to nap but my mind is full of flashbacks and thoughts from the massacre me and Harry left behind in Chicago. It was self defence; I was in trouble...sort of. I tried telling myself I shouldn't feel bad, I'm part of a gang for fuck sakes, this is what the do...right?

I turn over to face the wall trying to get myself to sleep for at least twenty minutes; I've been up since seven this morning, my brain is fried.

Another thought pops into my head as I stare blankly at the wall; Will.

I haven't been able to contact him as I did in fact drop my phone after I threw myself out the window for the second time thanks to Harry's scared ass.

I decided to leave it a day or two to let him settle back into his parents and comprehend exactly what's going on with me right now, I'm so thankful he understood why I needed to leave and he didn't try stop me. He knew I needed to do this.

My face must be all over the news at this rate, my parents have probably seen but they probably don't care; they never did.

Don't get me wrong I'm not regretting being here, I've met so many good people I know call the family I never had, but I do need them. I don't know how I would cope if they didn't like me or didn't want me here.

Liam especially has made sure I feel at home here, letting me have my space and time to think whenever I needed it and also checking up on me every now and then to make sure everything's going good in my head as he'd say.

Niall has been the annoying little brother I never had; but I wouldn't change it for the world, sometimes I need his cheekiness to keep me sane.

Louis has been an older brother I never had; always protecting me and making sure I eat and drink water every day as I've not had an appetite since joining them all.

Zayn has been really quiet since I met him, he keeps himself to himself and talks when he feels like he needs to; I should get to know him but I don't want to over step any boundaries he has up, he's also protective over me making sure I get sleep and saying I shouldn't drive too much as I've had a lot going on these past few days.

Harry has been his usual smirky self with his comments and remarks towards me. Ever since we kissed that night he's been more quiet around me not saying much but always watching me from a distance. I haven't threatened to shoot him in a few hours which is process I guess.

Jesse has been quiet around me and Harry since he found out we murdered his Dad in cold blood; he had it coming he's a dick. I understand why he's upset but that's life; you never know what's going to happen. Over all he's been great, making me laugh when I need it and also helping me relax; with his weed.