Take Me To Wonderland (Ever After High fan fic)

Chapter 45: Light Without it Lit

It was only two days left for our plan to be taken into accordance. Everything was set up and ready to go. Chase and I were prepared as we could ever be. After practicing with my powers, I've been getting more accustomed to it and in my own strength of understanding and getting the hang of things. I certainly don't have the full understanding of it all since I haven't unlocked my full potential with it yet, but I was doing my best. I had the advantage. All it takes left is to use it for the greater good of saving my home.

Still, grasping onto the concept of having a sister, my mind kept going back to the thoughts of profound memories and hidden fantasies of my childhood and the things I could've done with Lily. After all, being a little sister changes things. It shouldn't be dwelled upon. I will never know her except in stories. What good will it be to think of someone who was supposed to never die in the first place? After all, I was the one who wasn't supposed to be.

It's still hard to fully grasp onto the concept, but in understanding, it helped me realize why my mother is the way she is now. It explained who I was on a deeper level. A level I didn't want to sink to. 

Sure, as the daughter of chess, I was excellent and unbeatable, but that was all according to luck and my sheer determination and willpower. But there was no magic behind it at all. It was always a wonder on how I could do more than the "normal" side of magic.

My abilities reached far and beyond, but they were always held back because there was never any need to use my full power. But to me, that was normal thinking that it was like that for everyone. But it wasn't. Am I even the daughter of "chess?" Wouldn't that be granted to Lily as first born?

My father was the only one who actually knew me for who I was. Did he know the truth? Was everything he had done for me because he knew me for who I was? For what I was? Or was he blinded to it, unknowingly loving someone and never knowing who I was truly meant to become? Deep down, there was a feeling that he had always known. Maybe that was why he was my first friend.

To my mom, it was accursed. I would only assume that in a way my mother would've always had a love for me deep down, but the feelings were never reciprocated. They were never mutual. To her, she was exactly what she wanted me to be. A horrible human being who was meant for a greater purpose. Perhaps she was filled with a raging jealously, wanting her own child rather than me. It would make sense.

There was a distinct hatred for me deep down in her heart. She wanted nothing of me except for her will to be done through me for her. I meant nothing to her at all. Thankfully I had a loving father who actually cared and loved me, and he showed it as much as he could when he was alive. That would never be forgotten. His love was more than enough to sustain me. However, it wasn't the same to say about my mother, but that was obvious.

Did my mother really have something to do with it all? Why could I believe it? She really is heartless. I didn't want to lose hope on her, but it doesn't seem like there's any hope left to have that was worth keeping. She doesn't even love me as her own. It explained everything.

From how she treated me as a child as to where I am now. It explained everything. Lily was the answer behind all of her unresolved feelings. She was the key to my mother's happiness. She couldn't get over her death so she reflected her pain to hate me in spite of living instead of her.

It's funny how I tried so hard begging, pleading for her to try and speak to me. After everything she did to me, I always tried to fight for her. For us. For her to be proud of me and my accomplishments, or the things I was interested in, or the hopes of having a conversation longer than four sentences exchanged. But it was never about me. She never batted a single eye to me.

That was until her intentions were exploited. Her acknowledgement for me lacked exponentially, exposing her true hatred for me deep inside her bones. There was only an empty shell in her wake disillusioned by her walls of judgement and wrath.