Letting go of self-restraint 2 - All that is missing is a little one

Chapter 1

Note: Burial Mounds in this story are a vast and barren region devoid of residential areas, people avoid it, but only because of superstitions, it is not actually more dangerous than any other region and there is also no greater amount of resentful energy than anywhere else.

Wei Wuxian was laying on hard pebbled ground, he was hiding far away from the cave entrance and any praying eyes. He wanted to avoid at all cost being discovered by anyone. He knew that his decision to leave was hasty and would probably cause a lot of pain to his loved ones, especially to Lan Zhan. However, there was nothing else he could have done if he did not want his husband to suffer even more.

He would hopefully be able to go back to his soulmate's side in a couple of months, right after he settled the current situation. He was missing him dearly, his gentle touch and kisses, his attentive care and how his eyes were always on him as if he was the most treasured being on Earth.

They were so happy those weeks after their marriage, he wanted to go back to those sweet, sweet days. When his body started changing he held on as long as he could without being discovered, now he could not hide his swelled belly anymore, it was apparent at the first sight.

A lonely tear fell onto the dusty cave floor. He was so cold and lonely, he wanted Lan Zhan by his side to curl into his warm embrace and to have their song soothingly hummed into his ear.

The ground was hard and cold and he only had one blanket to keep himself warm. He tried to roll himself into it even more but to no avail, the blanket was too small to cover him fully now. He could no longer curl into a small ball like he used to, his belly was in a way. And he could not very well go into town and buy himself another blanket nor warmer robes that would fit his new figure better, he dreaded being discovered and causing Lan Zhan more pain that he already had.

He had to endure, no matter what, for the sake of returning to his soulmate's side and for the sake of their child that he was carrying. He already dreaded the moment he would need to let go of it but it could not be helped. He had promised to make Lan Zhan happy for the rest of his life, he could not let him do what had to be done and live the rest of his days in remorse. He would hide the child away with some nice family and would support it from afar, that was the only option.

A sharp stone was digging into his side and he shifted slightly to avoid it. It took him much more effort than he was ready to admit, his belly was huge and his body was getting weaker and weaker. He did not know if this was normal, he had no experience with this stage of pregnancy.

He was never explained how things worked nor did he ever search for it. Now he regretted his shyness, he should have asked someone for reference, it was bound to happen at some point with the amount of child-friendly activities he and Lan Zhan endorsed themselves in after their marriage. Surely he could have asked Wen Qing, Wen Ning or Nie Huisang to enlighten him or even Lan Xichen for that matter, there were not many people who knew he was an Omega but they would certainly be happy to help. Or he could have just read a book or two... How stupid of him to not be prepared!

Now it was already too late, if anyone learned about his condition, Lan Zhan would have to... No! He did not even want to think about that.

He got up and started slowly moving around to warm himself up and stop thinking about unnecessary stuff; he already made his decision, there was no going back. His feet were hurting, which was new, and he felt dizzy which was an improvement comparing with the times he would throw up everything he tried to eat.

At least before he was able to have plenty of food he hunted down or gathered, with his belly growing and his body weakening, he was too clumsy and slow to be able to successfully hunt most of the days and he was now living off of what he found in his traps and some wild fruits. He was hungry most of the time, but he was used to that. His body still remembered and those short months he was able to feed himself full every day could not erase the memory of the preceding years.

He pulled himself together and went out of the cave to discover first sun rays lighting up the sky. It was time to go check his traps, perhaps he would get lucky today and would find some small animal to fill his stomach. He indeed found a small white rabbit in one of them. It brought back memories of his and Lan Zhan's rabbits in Cloud Recess which he quickly pushed away, he could not get sentimental right now, there was still too much to do.

He went to fetch water with his qiakun pouch and poured it into a hollow rock in the cave. Then he went to gather firewood to be able to roast the rabbit. And perhaps some edible berries would be a good match to that...

Living in the Burial Mounds was not easy for a lonely pregnant Omega, but Wei Wuxian was able to get by. He was fending for himself just fine, he did not need help from anyone, he did not need to go to town to procure supplies, and certainly he did not need anyone to keep him company... No, he must not be discovered!

Sure he was lonely and had no one to talk to, the region was vast enough for him to not encounter a living soul; and when he saw someone approaching, he quickly hid himself. His only company was Lan Zhan's voice that he was hearing in his dreams. He knew he only imagined it but it still consoled him to know he was not alone and his sleep was not haunted by nightmares most of the time.

If he could keep this up for a few more months, he would be able to go see Lan Zhan again. This knowledge kept him going and was the source of his determination and strength when his very soul was tearing apart thinking about abandoning their unborn child and he was crying bitter tears and shivering in the dead of the night.