They Don't Know About Us

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"Okay you ready? Jessie asks as she rubs her arms up my arms and gripping my shoulders messaging them lightly. I nod slowly letting out a long exhale, "Yeah I'm ready". "You sure?" She asks one last time just to make sure. But I nod, "Yeah I need to do this". She nods and kisses me before going back behind me and kneads her thumb into the muscle in my shoulder blades, "Ready?" I let out a long deep breath, "Ready?"

"Remember what Corey said. It might be painful but you just have to keep pushing through okay?" Jessie whispers and I nod. I place my palms down on the table in front of me grounding myself before we start, "1...". I see Jessie smiling at me flashing I'm front of me. "2..." I breathe out and it now flashes to the first gunshots and the crowd screams. "3..." I sigh as I remember see him for the first time. I distinctly remember how dead his eyes looked. He just had no life left as he just stared back before shooting into the crowd.

"4..." I tremble as I can hear all the terrified screams of the fans and the players as there are gunshots in quick succession. "5..." My voice cracks as I see Tobin and Christen fall to the field after a gunshot. But Jessie squeezes my shoulder tighter, "Keep going. 6...". "6..." I breathe out as my eyes lock with him once more straight at me. Before he raises the gun but not at me.

Instead it's raised at Jessie.

I slam my fist into the table as my breathing grows rapid. I rest my head on my hands as my fist clenched remembering one of the worst moments of my life. I had forced it down and into the back of my mind away in the recesses of my mind. Trying my best to not think about it. But now it was just being dragged back to the front again.

Jessie moves her hand up to the nape of my neck scraping her fingers against my scalp trying to get me back on track, "7...". "7..." I mutter as I remember tackling Jessie out of the way. Almost as if feeling us hit the turf again all over again. "8..." I grit my teeth as I see myself shielding Jessie from any harm as she clutched onto me. Jessie senses my struggles to continue and leans into me kissing my temples, "Your nearly there Lee. You've got this".

I nod taking another deep breath sitting up straight as I force myself to remember, "9...". It comes as flashes. Me checking on Jessie before drowsiness hits me like a tidal wave and rolling onto the turf only to find blood growing on my jersey. The heartbreak I see as my eyes lock with Jessie's as she sees my state on the field. "10!" I get out as I smack the table again as I remember smiling at Jessie for what I thought would be the final time until my eyes flutter shut.

I open my eyes to see Jessie right there beside me with a loving smile as she brushes some hair away from my face which was clinging to my forehead from sweat. She moved herself into my lap sitting across me sideways as she peppers my fave with light feather like kisses, "That was so good Lee".

I nod as I slide my hand up and down her side. "Your doing so much better. Remember when you couldn't even get to 3" she praises as she runs her hand through my hair. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down as Jessie whispers small reassurances in my ear periodically giving me small kisses.

Corey said for me to fully move on and get over the shooting, I needed to stop repressing the memory of what happened. That I needed to relive what happened no matter how badly I didn't want to. She gave me a few techniques to try and help cope with what happened while also trying to remember what happened. We found that this one was the most effective but was also the hardest one as I have to relive everything that happened as I count to ten. When we first started I could barely get to 4 without freaking out.

This was also the first time I've ever gotten to 10

"Thank you" I whisper softly into Jessie's neck. She just smiles as she twirls the hair at the back of my neck around her finger, "I didn't do anything Lee. That was all you". But I pull back and place a lingering kiss on her lips, "Thank you for being here. With me". I subconsciously smile as my hand moves up to the ring hanging from around her neck, "Thank you for loving me".