Time || YeonGyu AU✔

chapter 12

          He could hear nothing, but heavy silence in the thick air, smiting his heart as he sat on the couch in distress, agitated by his own helplessness, and kept filling his lungs with poisonous toxins, trying to beguile some of the monotonous time. His pink, fluffy lips would wrap around the thin butt of a cigarette placed between his long fingers occasionally, and blow out grey suffocating fumes afterwards, his eyes closing in bliss as he would feel the smoke reaching his lungs and soothing his nerves, shooting calming sensations into his mind momentarily which would vanish after a few seconds of utter pleasure. It was like a remedy to him, his best friend in every situation, whether he was angry, sad or anxious. People say that smoking kills, but for Soobin it was the biggest source of life because it was the first thing he was going to whenever he felt like going out of his mind. A single sprout was always enough to bring him back to life and breathe new life into him, but for some reason, it wasn't helping much at the moment, when he was swimming wildly in the ocean of his love and grief and tears of pain were streaming down his face silently.

          He was feeling energy drained and tired, exhausted from trying. A great pang had taken a tight grip of his abused heart and it didn't seem to release him anytime soon. He was feeling like suffocating, dark, woeful emotions, formed into a huge ball, getting stuck in his throat and choking him to death. Maybe dying wasn't so bad after all, it would be much easier than getting stabbed in his heart ruthlessly every day. He had done everything, totally anything he could do to win Yeonjun's heart but the older still seemed to not notice him, even after Soobin's painful confession years ago.

          "Why?", he whispered to himself in a painful tone as he dragged on his cigarette aggressively and the smoke flowed out of his mouth rhythmically, wrapping everything in its grey colour in nearby areas, "Why can't you see me? I did everything for you, Yeonjun. What else do you want from me?", he asked in misery, tossing the ashes into the ashtray afterwards and placing the cigarette between his lips, sucking on it fiercely.

          "Why did you give me hope if you hated me so much?"

Dobongsan, South Korea, 2023

          The continuous sounds of joyful giggles kept echoing through the atmosphere, painting the environment in cheerful colours as two drunk boys, who were holding on to each other for support, stumbled through the hallway and entered their shared bedroom while laughing at silly things sheepishly.

          As soon as they stepped inside, the taller male switched on the light and closed the door behind them, pressing the smaller boy against it with his back afterwards while looking down at him with happy and somewhat hypnotized eyes which got completely lost in a fog of affection and desires as he watched the boy giggling adorably. Even though he was pretty drunk and his vision was awfully blurry, he could still see Yeonjun's mesmerizing eyes gleaming under the illumination of the chandelier.

           "Why are you looking at me like that, Soobinnie?", Yeonjun giggled as he wrapped his arms around the taller male's neck, supporting himself to keep his balance while Soobin placed his palms against the door, caging the boy between them.

           "Like what?", Soobin asked with shining eyes, his heart beating erratically against his chest as the closeness between them kept driving him crazy, creating magnetic waves which were pulling him towards the smaller boy who couldn't get the smile off his face, his index finger messaging the tip of the younger's nose playfully.

          "Like I'm a piece of meat", he laughed endearingly, his eyes closing and opening occasionally as he couldn't keep them open for a long time, but Soobin was still able to savour beautiful sparks in them which were causing him to go blind, but he didn't mind because the only thing he wanted his eyes for was the boy in front of him. He was ready to stare at his beauty for the rest of his life and he wouldn't even get bored, on the contrary, he would find his heaven because it was there, in Yeonjun's diamond-like orbs.