A New Start, My Derrière (Slowly Editing)

A New Start, My Derrière (50)

~ Chapter Fifty ~

Days passed and it’s already Christmas; the first Christmas I’ve had without my mom.

Dad said I could visit the cemetery so I dressed in an outfit she’d approve of. A straight knee length dress in her favourite colour, a white cardigan and a pair of white ballet flats; I left my hair to dry naturally. The New York air was freezing and I didn't bring a coat with me, out of my own stupidity. 

I bought a bunch of her favourite flowers white daisies too.Clutching them with both of my hands I walked to the cemetery as it wasn’t that far.

I walked to her headstone, after walking straight ahead and turning left. It was placed among the shadows of an oak tree. She never did like the overbearing heat from the sun...

I placed the flowers on top and tears began to fall from their own free will.

“Hey mom, I know it’s been a while and I'm sorry.I miss you each and everyday.”I said wiping a few of the tears with the back of my hand.

“I know you would want me to be happy with whatever I chose to do and with that I'm obeying your wish to pursue art.” I put on a petite smile

“You always wanted me to follow my heart. I owe you my life, you sacrificed yourself to save me. Mom you were always there for me. You told me I was perfect when no one else did. You loved me like I was the best child in the world – sorry Aidan” I laughed

“I love you on a scale I can’t even draw or measure. I'm sorry that we went out that night and yet I'm not. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, yet if you hadn’t let us all go. I wouldn’t have met the people I have or fallen in love...

And Alice! You would have loved her she’s just like you; quirky and the best friend I will never forget. And the love part you’d probably know about. I know you’re watching me and everyone else. So I'm guessing you know about Zachary and that my feelings for him are real and I don’t know what to do about it...

He hurt me and yet I can’t stand to be mad at him. I wish you were here to help me decide what to do and help me like no one else could... Mom I'm sorry I couldn’t save you that night, but you saved me on so many occasions I want to repay you somehow in someway" I took a deep breath, wiping away the tears that kept running down my cheeks.

"Aidan and Dad miss you. Dad especially; he’s been keeping a photo of you in his wallet he keeps it with him everyday.” I said tracing the indents of her name and what it read.

‘Sophia Marie Mason

A loving mother and a friend. Died too young, but will never be forgotten.

15th February 1972 - 14th July 2010’

“Mom I’ll never forget you and that’s a promise; I remember the day you took me to the very first art exhibit, I cried that night because I didn’t want to go and miss my favourite show, but you insisted that it would change my life... which it did of course.

You knew me better than I did and I love you forever and always. I hope you find peace up there and say hi to grandma and grandpa for me. I love you all and I’ll see you one day. Take care of everyone up there mom and Merry Christmas” I said wiping the last of the tears away.

I scattered the daisies on the grave stone and kissed the top of it. I took a few steps away and shed the last of the endless tears.

I started to walk away until a saw a figure standing a few metres away with a bunch of flowers. He was dressed in black his eyes fell on to the grave below his feet. He was talking to it just like I was moments ago

“Hey dad, it’s Christmas if you didn’t know; the family misses you. Thanksgiving was awful I had to carve the turkey, you know your job each year. I can’t live up to your standards. I miss you dad, I need a man to talk to someone who I know won’t judge me or make fun of me if you know what I did. I miss you more than I let on, I try to put on a brave face.” He said crouching down to his father’s grave.

“I’ve messed up badly dad; I fell in love and broke her heart before it even started. I need you, mom needs you and Lily needs you. She doesn’t know you’ve died, we told her you went away and she keeps asking for you to come back. I’ve caught her crying to sleep; I cried too many times to count and I never cry.

The girl I'm head over heels for - you would’ve loved her like a daughter, you’d approve and I'm just glad you’ve met her even though it was many years ago. Even back then you thought she was the daughter you never had. Until Lily was born of course.

Dad I swear you were the reason I do what I do; the art, the music and the life I have revolves around you. Well it did until I met her... And I know you died saving your best friend and I can’t help, but think what if you didn’t die and I did.”

His body shook and I could just imagine the tears that fell on his face. I started to walk closer to him without scaring him, but it’s me...

Of course I had to step on a bunch of leaves crunching them below my feet.

His head turned towards me tears fell from his piercing blue eyes.

The eyes of the man I loved.

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