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My Little Moon

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My Little Moon
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Author :: zz_JiminShi_zz

Reviewer :: wuwtaetae

First Impression :: 9/20

» Cover :: 3/10

The cover doesn't match. It's pretty and I can see the moon element with the elegance and the whites overall. It would've been perfect for an original book with the same plot but for a taekook fanfiction, I think a cover with both their faces would be more apt.

» Title :: 4/5

The title is cute. It fits the story. It sounds Taehyung centered but then, the little 'my' makes it sound like Jeongguk is involved too so I like the title a lot. I personally think 'My little moonchild' would fit your story better. The reason I reduced a point here is because I think the title is common. Some aesthetic words would boost the appeal of the book overall.

» Blurb :: 2/5

Well, for a start, the blurb is too short with too many mistakes. You added ellipsis after each sentence but honestly, I don't know if I could call them ellipsis anymore as there are too many. There should only be three dots there, so correct them. The blurb is basically just six lines. It lacks the curiosity element that pulls readers in. The question marks are there but it isn't interesting enough to pull the readers in.

Beginning of a new start :: 4/10

The prologue starts from the actual start which in my point of view, is very boring. Yes, prologues are all about the past and beginnings but there are a lot of ways to make it more interesting like going poetic or giving hints of everything like a teaser. Exposing the villain from the start isn't the best idea from my point of view, I think the book would be a lot more interesting if the antagonist was introduced in the middle as it'd be a new turn to the book and the readers wouldn't find it too boring. The introductions to characters weren't necessary, according to me. Starting the book with an action or from an important part of the story would have made it a ton more interesting.

Concept & plot :: 5/25

Well, the plot is kind of common but still, it's something that attracts a lot of readers. Hell, even I love a/b/o plots. The reason I had to reduce a lot of marks is due to your plot being unoriginal. I think originality is an important element in every book. Adding a plot twist or adding an element that'd make your book stand out would help a lot. Think. Think of how it could be, how dramatic you could make it. Write a story you'd want to read. Nobody wants to read a book that's predictable and the same as every other book, right?

Characters & emotions :: 2/15

Well, emotions play one of the most important roles in a book. Emotions written in an elaborate manner helps readers connect with the characters a lot. Only emotions can make readers cry when the characters cry and smile when the characters smile. I feel like your book lacks emotions. Yes, Jeongguk cried when he found out his soulmate isn't dead. Yes, Jimin cried when he was abused. Yes, Yoongi was furious when the other alpha touched Jimin but all the emotions were contained in a single line or two. If Jeongguk is crying, I wanna know why he's crying, how much he's crying, how much his heart aches, how he looks while he's crying and so on. Just a single line stating Jeongguk cried will make me feel informed but it definitely wouldn't make me feel along with him. Write the characters in a way that readers connect with them, empathize with them. As for the character development, I don't see any development as far as I've read.

Tone & style :: 4/10

At least you didn't write the story in script form. That's good but the chapters move too slow and soon, it starts getting boring. I didn't like the fact that you keep changing point of views from Jeongguk's to the Author's. I just don't get why. The scenes are too redundant. Scenes in a book is like the butterfly effect. One thing leads to another. If a scene in a book, doesn't lead to another or provide a vital information that can't be added anywhere else, then it's basically redundant. Please, please, remove all those redundant scenes. It'll make the book move a lot faster and help in keeping the readers hooked. Adding yourself in the middle or sharing your personal thoughts in the middle of a chapter is truly unprofessional. Please refrain from doing so.

Grammar :: 6/20

I honestly have no idea where to start in this area. Too many errors, just too many. You don't leave space between a word and the quotation mark. You don't leave space between a word and a period mark. You don't add too many period marks for an ellipsis. You leave space after a comma. Mr or Mrs should start with uppercase. Names should start with uppercase, even endearments. You don't start words in the middle with uppercase. The tense changes from sentence to sentence. Articles are missing in places, extra in some others. Please, get an editor.

An extra note :: Please get an editor. Remove reduntant scenes. Speed up stuff a little. Try adding some twists and turns and you'll be fine.

Total :: 30/100