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Retrouvaille

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Retrouvaille
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Author :: ItsBangtanBeaches

Reviewer :: Kim_eats

First impression :: 6/20

» Cover :: 0/10

The reason this section has zero is because you kept changing the cover throughout the duration of reviewing. It was not only inconvenient for me but also against the rules.

» Title :: 5/5

The title is most certainly intriguing. It is sure to attract a lot of readers because it's a pretty uncommon word. It is well suited for the book and relevant to the storyline. So, great job in choosing the title.

» Blurb :: ⅕

Dialogues are often a great choice to include in blurbs but it's just that, a dialogue. There is no context to that dialogue, nor does it express the theme of the story. When you use a dialogue, do add a few more supporting lines that give a brief insight to the story. Currently, the first impression of your book is solely relying on the cover and title. I’m sure many would get attracted with just the cover and title, but if you add a few more lines to the blurb, it would turn out great.

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

Starting with the very first ‘intro’ chapter, I liked how you gave an aesthetic touch to the book. It was like
building up the excitement in readers before jumping into the story, giving a few glimpses and withdrawing.
I liked that very much. Also, dedicating the page for the meaning of the title certainly added weight to the overall effect of the anticipation and what a reader could expect from the story.

Coming to the main first chapter, it was written very well. The build up and the anxiety the character felt was expressed really well. Through your writing I could tell that being a model is not easy and keeping away from a few things because of something personal is also almost impossible. The way it all started from life being unfair to the reason for her reluctance about going to Korea made a definitely strong impact.

The first two chapters drew me in, making me curious about what so drastic happened in Loire's life. Strong beginnings and mysteries are the key factors to keep readers on the edge of your seat and I was definitely on the edge due to the constant curveballs and new revelations.

Overall, you did a great job at making the beginning good and intriguing to make the readers keep reading.

Concept and plot :: 20/25

The concept of estranged friends meeting again and falling in love isn't new. I wouldn't say your choice of
concept wasn't good because in writing, there are hardly any bad concepts, it totally depends on the writer’s ability. The way you've executed it till now is really commendable. Coming to plot, I love how it's unrushed and is so different from the typical plots for this concept. There are so many intricacies to the characters, everyone has a hidden agenda and no one seems to notice it. The story looks simple at first glance but it's not and that's what the best part of the plot is. The personal touch you've added certainly sets your book apart from others and I really enjoyed reading it and discovering something new in every chapter. So, well done on planning out such a good plot and the execution of it so far is amazing.

Characters and emotions :: 8/15

Let's talk about characters in the book. I absolutely love how every character has something to contribute to the plot. They all have very prominent roles and their actions are connected to each other. No character seems to be out of place or unnecessary and that's really important when there are so many characters in the book.

Coming to emotions, they were beautifully written. Each emotion came across really well. From anxiety to heart fluttering; from platonic love to darkness, it was all written amazingly. Especially the chapter where Loire talks about being depressed and cutting herself to feel something, that was just amazing because I've seen very few writers represent those emotions so well when there is so much to show. I love how in depth the emotions were described. When it came to chemistry though, I felt little to none chemistry with Loire and Jin. I mean, it's obvious since there are only a few chapters focused on them and the book is still ongoing but I do hope some chemistry emerges soon or I'll continue shipping Loire and Yoongi because they are honestly hot.

Tone and style :: 7/10

For the major part, you've chosen to write in the third person POV and it's a smart choice considering the plot. The overall flow of words is good, it keeps the readers hooked to the story. However, I found a lot of mistakes when it came to the POVs though.

There are a lot of places where the narration shifts to first person POV and that breaks the link of reading.
The tone is very smooth going, riveting and when that happens, it's almost like coming out of a dream. So,
do proofread to correct these mistakes before publishing.

Also, there are a lot of sentences you begin with, 'you know the feeling…' or 'I guess...' Again, it comes down to the narrative you have chosen. You should refrain from beginning your sentences like that, as if addressing
the readers directly. It's not always good to read sentences like that. I would suggest that you try figuring out another way to express your thoughts. But overall, I think your writing style is a very strong point for you and the way you write makes one want to keep reading. With a little more finesse, it would become perfect.

Grammar :: 15/20

Your grammar is pretty good but there are still a few mistakes. There is a lot of tense inconsistency. No two
sentences have the same tense. While it might not seem to be a major problem to most readers, those who
know will notice it right away. Then the next major problem is the overuse of commas. There are a lot of sentences that are filled with commas when it was completely unnecessary. I hope you pay attention to it. For the starting chapters, I saw you were using double quotation for dialogues but in the middle, you used single quotations for dialogues and then again shifted to double quotations. Different quotation marks mean different things in writing, so do pay attention to that as well.

There are also typos which break the flow of reading and the way to reduce typos is to proofread. So, don't be lazy and proofread your work to give your readers the best reading experience.

Extra note :: I hope this review was helpful and you take it positively to improve your writing skills and continue to write amazing stories!

Total :: 64/100