┌────────═━┈┈━═────────┐ Seesaw Review Shop Season 2.0 └────────═━┈┈━═────────┘
The right place to get honest and constructive feedback on your books whenever you want it. Everyone is welcome and we really hope...
The title was relevant to the story. It seemed very simple, slightly cliché but at the same time, it was unique.
The blurb was precise. It contained the initial baseline of the story and it also had a mystery etched into it as to why Taehyung left Jungkook. It might very well intrigue readers to read your story.
The cover was very appealing. It had a dark & mysterious vibe to it. I liked how the main leads only half faces are visible and then there's this border between them, separating them and on which the title is etched. And if you look closely behind the title, there are two hands reaching out to/holding onto each other which contradicts the title and synopsis. Overall, very creative.
Beginning of a new start :: 6/10
The onset chapters were interesting. I liked how descriptive everything was. The only thing which disrupted the flow of the story was the grammar and pace. I will eventually talk about this in the upcoming sections.
Concept & Plot :: 13/25
The concept was unique. It wasn't cliché nor boring. I was genuinely interested in reading it. It's different because Taehyung and Jungkook were already together and had a strong bond but suddenly, Taehyung leaves him which we don't see in many Taekook fics. It was refreshing to read.
The plot however had cliché aspects diffused into it. Example: Jungkook being a mafia lord, dominant and Taehyung being submissive, fragile and abused. Some other different approach would've been appreciated.
Characters & Emotions :: 9/15
Whenever I read a story, I focus more on the character build-up and their sentiments. Your way of portraying the characters' feelings was moderate. You equally showcased the main lead's feelings towards their broken bond and loneliness. I could almost feel their sentiments which made me a tad bit sad while reading the story. I even got to witness their emotions towards the other characters which equally balanced the story.
About the characters, they had no individual personalities. Everything was just going with the flow of the story. Even their character personalities were shaped according to what was going on in the story. Taehyung was shown as the same weak, damsel in distress and abused kind of person while Jungkook was bold and dominant. Just like those cliché stories. The side characters did have an important role in the story with their scenes but sometimes, they seemed like puppets to me who were just fulfilling the role of being a side character.
Tone & Style :: 5/10
Your writing style was good. The paragraphs were of the ideal size; not too long nor too short. However, some dialogues and scenes were plain and lacked lustre. The transition from one scene to another was very abrupt too. Like one moment Jungkook was talking to Yoongi and the next he was playing the bullets game with the betrayer. Besides that, there was a lot of descriptive writing style detected and usage of complex words too which somehow helped to enhance the story and made it look good.
The toning of the story, as I mentioned above, was very fast paced. The scenes kept changing at a rapid pace and it was very confusing and hard to comprehend what was happening. It ruined the flow of the story at some points.
Grammar :: 8/20
Your English was good, but your grammar needs a lot of improvement, it was good at only a few places. Your punctuations, however, need a lot of help. Please learn when to place commas, colons & semi-colons in a sentence as it helps in better reading & understanding. The most common mistakes found were capital inconsistency, tense inconsistency, action & verbal tags used wrongly.
I hope my judgement was fair enough. :)
TOTAL :: 60/100.
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