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Be With You

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Be With You
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Author :: SL-BTSILLION

Reviewer :: SURREALGGUK

First Impression :: 14/20

The Big Three components definitely allowed me to gain a sort of impression on the story, and I was excited to read more about how the story would unfold. Good job!

» Cover :: 7/10

The cover does look aesthetically pleasing, but I feel that the face of the main character should be seen clearly without anything blocking it like what I’m seeing right now. This is important as the cover sets the tone for the story and decides whether or not the reader wants to explore the story further. 

» Title :: 3/5

The title isn’t that unique as I’d be able to find many similar books with that title if I do a search on Wattpad. As for the relevance, I’d say it does make sense. 

» Blurb :: 4/5

The blurb was definitely a delight to read. I enjoyed reading it, and I definitely had a sort of impression after reading the description, i.e. who was going to be the main characters and what was going to happen. Good job!

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

I definitely felt some emotions from the first few chapters, mainly because the way you portrayed the main character sent chills up my spine as I realised that such parasocial relationships have gradually become the norm nowadays, and the first few chapters really shows that and sets up the scene for the story to progress. Good job!

Concept and plot :: 20/25

The plot was smooth flowing and went well with what the description depicted, and although the concept of a hot superstar falling for an obsessive fan is not uncommon here on Wattpad, I liked how you included some ‘villains’ to spice up the story and keep readers interested by giving them a common person to hate and a common person to wish well for. The story definitely has the potential to succeed. Good job!

Characters and emotions :: 13/15

I loved the way you portrayed Celeste, and I liked how you didn’t have to provide an image for readers to visualise how she might look like, which is what I’m seeing from most writers here on Wattpad. Her personality allowed me to immerse myself and feel what she felt, and I felt a creepy aura around her because of the way the story was set up. Keep it up!

Tone and style :: 7/10

The paragraphing and flow was appropriate, and I liked how the way you wrote your scenes helped me to immerse myself more into the story and feel what the characters felt. I especially loved how the way you portrayed Celeste gave me an eerie sort of vibe because of the creepiness in her and mainly just how obsessed she was with Taehyung. It helped me realise that there are many people in the world just like her, and whether that’s a good or a bad thing is controversial. 

I feel that to improve on your writing, you could include more descriptions after every dialogue so readers can imagine how the character is feeling through their actions and not just their words in the dialogue. 

Grammar :: 12/20

Your grammar isn’t exceptionally good, but it isn’t exceptionally bad either. I could understand what you were trying to express in your story, but the problem is that you’re mixing informal English into your story, and there are multiple grammatical errors that are easily noticeable, and that would throw readers off easily. If your plot is beautiful, but your grammar doesn’t captivate readers, then there really is no point. The two cannot exist without each other, so you have to strengthen your grammar. 

When you want to emphasise that someone is feeling really agitated and is shouting, please do not capitalise every word. It throws readers off and ruins the vibe of the story overall. Instead, you could add another exclamation mark on top of one that is already there, and use dialogue tags to emphasise that the character is agitated. 

Here are some errors I spotted and how to correct them:

Chapter 01’s [He doesn’t known me] seems to be an accidental mistake, but I’ll point it out anyway. It should be [He doesn’t know me]. 

Chapter 02’s [Almost a year has passed away.] is wrong here. [passed away] is typically not used to describe how time has passed, and I believe you were going for [Almost a year has passed.]

To improve on your grammar, I recommend that you read EXTENSIVELY, preferably outside of Wattpad too. Actual published books outside of Wattpad have a wide variety of vocabulary and good grammar for you to learn from, and if you insist on reading fanfiction, I recommend fanfiction from Tumblr as the writers there usually have better grammar than the ones on Wattpad. In addition, you could draft your chapters on Google Docs or Microsoft Word. They have built-in grammar checkers that will suggest changes for you. You could also download the Grammarly extension if you’re on desktop, as they provide good advice on how to improve on your grammatical errors as well. Happy writing!

Total :: 67/100