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My Angel

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My Angel

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Author :: Magnes_Is_Here

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First impression :: 10/20

» Cover :: 5/10
The cover is a huge contrast to the sweet title. Jungkook is a member of the royal family. Depict this. His
character should be portrayed as a king with a title that's just as suitable. Really, the font doesn't conform to
the title's identity. In short, the current cover isn't a highlight. I'm not lying when I say I overlooked your
book three times while searching for it in my library. I can't see how the Jungkook in your cover is the same
Jungkook you're writing about.

» Title :: 3/5

You need to pick a better title. Even if it suits the storyline, it’s honestly incredibly dull. Think about it this
way. The world of literature is huge. The similarity in idea and concept is inevitable. If one were to pick one
book among the rest with the exact same storyline solely based on the title, do you think yours has a high
chance of getting chosen? The Wattpad world is a battle between authors from all around the world. Even a mere title makes a huge difference.

» Blurb :: 2/5

I noticed the way some sentences became repetitive with redundant information. Take this sentence below as an example. "I choose you and I'll choose you over and over and over,
Without a pause and without a doubt"
The grammatical errors are another thing, but why expand a sentence that could've been written so simply? I
know how you were trying to end the blurb with a heartwarming statement, but it became cringey. The
redundancy made it seem forced. Pick something simple. Say, "Because no matter what, I'd still choose you." That level of simplicity.

Pushing that aside, I'm not a fan of it. It doesn't stand out. All it does is prove how the plot may be closely
similar to every other royalty concept. Where is the fun in that? Is there no twists to this love story other
than the difference in their ranks? No obstacles, no challenges to be made known? Make them known! Use
the special elements to your advantage! The concept isn't enough. You need to provide more insight.

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

The beginning definitely has room for expansion. I'm glad you didn't decide to blatantly make the start—which is supposed to be outstanding to draw attention—an info dump. It's a great way to introduce the life challenges of Y/N while moving forward into the story. A pretty clean transition if I were to be honest. The only thing lacking was the grammar and writing style which will be deduced later.

Concept and plot :: 15/25

The plot hasn't developed much since it's still in its beginning phase. But that's just it, it's STILL in its beginning phase. Fasten the pace. The cute moments are nice, but eventually it becomes repetitive. They lack the rollercoaster; the ride of joy and excitement for the conflict which is yet to come. Do have some exciting twists and angst in future chapters. Some of the characters have questionable decisions as well. Is the
mother leaving her child by a tree completely alone a good decision?

Characters and emotions :: 5/15

While the love between mini Y/N and mini Jungkook is cute, I still couldn't connect to them, even until the
latest chapter. Perhaps it's the lack of emotions and personality. What is their personality? Y/N plays this
simple pure girl, but is that all that she really is? Is Jungkook just a boy chasing after his crush? In the beginning, it showed how much his father pressured him into being the perfect leader, even when they were simply playing a game of chess. This could and definitely should impact his behaviour. Use this as a chance to build his character. Y/N too, give the poor girl more characteristics.

Tone and style :: 5/10

Putting this out there—your writing style isn't bad. It's the lack of variety. The repetitive use of common and general words played a huge part in making the story lack the emotions it was supposed to emit. In short, it became dry incredibly quickly. Detailing and including the usage of parts of speech will brighten the atmosphere. You have a habit of starting paragraphs with dialogues in a consistent manner. The background scenes, the atmosphere and the emotions were forced to be expressed through communication. If detailing were to be focused on and carried to the reader, please don't rely heavily on dialogues.

Further along the story, the paragraphs became lengthy. Then they were abruptly shortened. I dare say to simply divide the lengthy paragraphs. This didn't affect my reading experience as much as the other errors, but paragraphs with the approximate similar length does make it look all the more neater. It's not a chance to be thrown away.

Grammar :: 12/20

This area needs a lot of work. There were mistakes in almost every single paragraph. Sentences were understandable, but spend some time looking up articles on grammar. Mainly punctuations. It seemed you were trying to maintain the usage of smaller case letters in the beginning. If you wish to do so—which I highly don't recommend—then don't go off track. If it's for the sake of aesthetics, believe me, it doesn't do much. And grammar wise, it's incorrect. Using capitalization when needed helps you maintain a professional front while writing. Personally, it's neater compared to switching back and forth between small and capitalized words. Also do not leave a space between the quotation and the dialogue. " Like this."

Tense inconsistency, very consistent, And incorrect vocabulary usage alongside a couple of over-"dotted"
ellipsis—these don't happen as often as other errors, but do take a look at them. One of the consistent mistakes were the missing punctuations as per said. Keep an eye out for these and do
not leave empty spaces where the punctuation should be.

1. ending quotations: You left it blank unless you used the exclamation/question mark. When the tag used is verbal, similar to "said, questioned, mumbled", use a comma. Otherwise, a full stop would do. I recommend looking up more information on dialogue tags and action tags.

2. unseparated clauses: You misused the comma in plenty of places. On other times, you didn't use it
at all. When connecting an independent clause with a dependent clause, a comma does its job in
separating them. Learn to differentiate when a clause ends.

3. comma splice: When joining two independent clauses, a comma and a conjunction are needed. When the conjunction is missing, it's called a comma splice.

Extra note :: Before I end things off with some good wishes, there's one more suggestion. It doesn't affect
the story so I didn't bother inserting it into the review. Don't place a whole dang picture at the very end of
each chapter. Use a banner instead. Aesthetic and neat. Move forward with the storyline. Experiment a little. Give your book the glow up it deserves. If you place more effort into giving your readers your best, soon enough they'll give you the joy of your lifetime.

Total :: 54/100