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Stigma

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Stigma

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Author :: HotChocoChipCookie

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First Impression :: 4/20

» Cover :: 2/10

Layering a Jimin pic on top of each other just doesn't work. It's not very well made and the quality just isn't it. I don't understand what you're trying to signify. It holds little to no significance. Change it, it shouldn't bring down the entire book's first impression. Because that's what this is all about; one's first impression. Order a cover in any one of the shops available on wattpad. A cover with quality is what every story deserves.

» Title :: 0/5

I've tried to look at this from all perspectives, but I still couldn't find how the story relates to stigma. I suppose you decided to use the song title. Even so, do check the meaning behind it. It doesn't correlate. Feel free to tell me if it does connect to the story somehow, but so far from what I see, it doesn't relate.

» Blurb :: 1/5

There's nothing to judge. It's empty. The single sentence you provided isn't a blurb. A blurb should contain the insides of a story, the teaser, the thing that would grab the eyes of people and please their hearts into reading your book. Even descriptions deserve effort placed into them. What's the use of juicing out your brains into plot building if no one is going to read it? Provide a cliffhanger, tension, anything that demands us to smash that read button. 

Beginning of a new start :: 1/10

First chapter was a disaster. The "kidnapping" scene? Uncalled for. The description made it ten times worse than the scene was originally. Scene after scene was shoved into my face. The pace was too fast. I had absolutely zero clue of what's going on. Who was the said "kidnapper"? Why would he attack her like that? No description on the important points and the unrealistic characters made the first chapter a pain to go through. I stopped reading barely halfway through the chapter because nothing made sense. And your very first sentence? Had three grammatical errors. It was a long ride. Believe me, I didn't have fun riding it.

You wanted the lead to meet the boys in the first chapter? Well, you pulled that off in the worse way possible. So the entire plot of the starting point was basically of a girl, almost getting… kidnapped? Robbed? God knows. Again, no explanation. Then, Jungkook appears out of nowhere and protects her. No injuries after a huge explosion happened by the way, amazing. She somehow shoots the stranger, got shot in the process which I still fail to understand how. Cops come. Jungkook acts heroic and dragged her to his car. And clearly, he's on some secret business with his buddies. Yet for a poor injured girl he had no connections with whatsoever, he'd risk the entire operation to treat her leg.

You're pushing the story to reach its climax without putting any effort into explaining the build up. When you have a plot in mind, you note it down. Plan the points and think of the realistic sense of it. Brainstorm on how you'll reach the climax.

Concept and plot :: 5/25

The plot itself is questionable. They took her in, supposedly "saving" her from the cops when she shot the guy out of defense. Now what makes you think running away from the cops would do for her? If she truly shot the guy out of defense, what is she afraid of? The boys taking her in are going to cause way more issues than facing the cops and explaining the situation.

So they took her in, treated her wounds, that should be it, right? At most, they'd teach her self defense if they were truly such nice beings. Now where in the world did all the hacking and shooting practice come from? They barely met for a week, what makes you think they trusted her enough to teach her such high leveled skills? Seeing how annoying she became over time with the said "comebacks" I'm surprised they're even willing to keep her there at all. 

In all honesty, the plot lacks action and content. At some point it became nonsensical. You could've made Y/N a new kid joining the gang and that would've made way more sense than the intro you provided. At this point, the entire plot needs fixing. Plan it thoroughly and make sure it actually makes sense.

Characters and emotions :: 1/15

The lack of poetic words and incorrect usage of vocabulary prevented me from feeling any sort of emotion emitted from your characters. In the second chapter, the moment all the guys surrounded her, I knew I'd have a hard time differentiating them without knowing their names. Other than describing them through their smile, tone of voice and such, use other physical builds like the colour of their hair and the aura they give out. 

Like I said earlier, Jungkook risking the entire operation just to save her is incredibly biased story-wise. I suppose there just isn't any other way for the lead to meet them. They're too trustworthy. Their place could've been filled with random injured strangers by now. And the clever fire backs from the lead are quickly getting old. Reduce them. Instead of making her clever and quick witted, she became annoying extremely fast.

Tone and style :: 2/10

Description is terrible. Simple scenes were understandable, but the problem comes when you try to use complex words to describe a complicated situation. It's a mess. I understood nothing. Your weak point is your vocabulary. It's clear that you know the meaning of the words, yet you don't understand fully how to use them. And I haven't even touched on the spelling errors. Tone; uneven. There's no emotions behind your writing. You tried too hard to explain a scene, to the point it became wordy and over-described. Adding that up with the horrible grammar and incorrect sentence structures, the poetic value decreased ultimately. There is a lot you need to touch up on.

Grammar :: 2/20

The grammar was disappointing, to say the least. Punctuation errors scattered across the pages, misused words in certain areas, spelling mistakes and such. Needless to say the lack of knowledge in basic grammar ruins the reading experience.

The first thing you need to prioritize is your sentence build. Most of it wasn't understandable. Half the time I skipped over the paragraphs I couldn't even comprehend the meaning of. Take this sentence below as an example.

Ex : Inhaling a bit of oxygen you opened your eyes, your eyelids were heavy as a rock but you manage to fully open them after some blinks.

This single sentence contains misplaced commas and is incredibly wordy. The word usage was incorrect as well. Commas are used when combining an independent clause and a dependent clause. "Inhaling a bit of oxygen" is considered a clause. However, this single clause contains over described actions. It's very unnecessary to explain the breathing. Unless you're explaining the way the character takes a sharp breath in suspense, breathes softly while sleeping and other special situations. You could use this sentence below instead.

Edited: Your eyes fluttered open, squinting them as your blurry gaze met the ceiling. Your head felt heavy; your body numb. Hell, even blinking felt like a burden. Where am I?

Next up, dialogue tags. 

Ex 1: "I can't believe you," he said in frustration.

Ex 2: "I can't believe you." he rubbed his face with a sigh.

Examine the difference between the punctuations used before ending the dialogue. The first dialogue ended with a comma. This is because the dialogue tag used is a verbal tag. Verbal tags are dialogue tags that have the same meanings as "said" such as "mumble" or "reply". When you use a verbal tag, note to end the quotation with a comma, not a full stop. For action tags, use a comma instead. And under no circumstances should dialogue tags be capitalized. This is a mistake you do very often throughout the story.

Overall :: English clearly isn't your first language, so grab any opportunities you can to fix up on your vocabulary and grammar. I need you to focus on your language skills first before moving on to any other writing related knowledge. Plot needs to be fixed. Needs more planning and more emotions put into the writing. Work hard and all the best for your writing career.

Total :: 15/100