When Izuku Remains To Not Give A Fuck

Ass-Might, Volume 1

Quick brief on his quirk: He is immortal and has wings like hawks but green.

(Also quick warning, this is cringy asf, bear with me here, I hope it gets better)

Izuku's POV

Well fuck. Kac- Bakugo blew up my analysis FOR THE FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK! And it's only WEDNESDAY! But fuck that, I have better things to do. What things you may ask? Well good question. 1. Seeing a psychiatrist, which I know will never happen for reasons still unknown!  because talking to myself can't be as healthy as I'd like to believe. 2. Trying to find new ways to permanently kill myself. Another reason for the psychiatrist. And 3. Rewrite my EFFING ANALYSIS!

"A medium sized skin suit. Scrawny, but it works." I heard ahead.

Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw! I looked up to see a green slime villain. He looks like he came from the sewer, which with the grate uncovered I honestly won't doubt. He lurches towards me, and I said one more thing to him before he consumed me.

"K i n k y"

Ok I get it, maybe not a great choice of last words, but bear with me here, we both know I can't die. But he didn't know that. He also didn't know I had an empty soda bottle in my Arsenal. So in the nature of one immortal stubborn bitch, I forced him inside of it. And I was about to take him to the police, I swear I was. But just in my luck, all might appeared

And as any hero fanboy would, I obviously threw a poke ball at him. Newsflash, it didn't work. But it did get his attention, enough for him to realize I had the slime villain in a bottle. So I made another, very intelligent decision. I put the closed bottle up to my mouth, imitating taking a drink, and turned on my quirk, letting my wings spread, saying 

"Red Bull, it gives you wings." 

All might was not amused. He did however take the slime Villian to turn in to the police. However as he was rocketing off I got the best idea of the century. And I grabbed onto that bitches legs.

"Ah! I love my fans but this is too much!" All Might said

"Well what do you want me to do smart guy? Let go?" I asked like the sarcastic fuck I am.

"You're right..." He replied. I knew what he meant, I really did.

"Ok, welp, sayonara number 1!" I said, letting go. 

Ok but the look on his face is something I'll treasure for years to come. Fucking priceless. Sadly, he got me before I hit ground. 

"Young man! That was suicidal! Do you have anything to say for yourself!?" All Might no Bright asked. I'm 99% percent sure that was supposed to be rhetorical. But my sole life purpose is to die and be the bane of others existence, so I obviously ignored that.

"Why yes I do. Did you know that orcas yeet seals into the air so hard they die?" I said, facts certainly straighter than me. "That gives Gang Orca a whole other unseen side."

All Might looked painfully done with me. 

"Oh yea also can a quirkless person become a hero?" I asked

"No,  it's good to dream, but also be realistic, kid." He replied. Well I mean he might just be especially pissed at my ass right now but still-

"OH OK EXCUSE ME ILL JUST GO DIE THEN!" And I made the great decision of yeeting off my shoes, running towards the edge, and stunting over it yelling

"PARKOUR!" In hindsight It may have been a bad idea, but hey I'm an immortal kid with suicidal tendencies. Fuck my life cause I'm stuck with it. I don't exactly know how it happened, but he got my leg before I jumped all the way off. Fuck.

"YOUNG MAN! I WILL BE BRINGING YOU TO THE STATION!"

"Welllll shit, guess you are." I responded, obviously as not amused as he. 

And then he FUCKING KNOCKED & LEFT ME ON THE DOORSTEP!

"Well fuck you too ass might."

That's a wrap! Well, sorry for the short chapter but it's currently 1:39 am and I made this at 12 so ima go and sleep now-

Have a good afternoon, morning, or night!