When Izuku Remains To Not Give A Fuck

Pft, Legal? Me? Hunny No.

Hey there, late update, so I'm sorry about that, but alas, it's your favorite author back at it again, to fuck bitches and get cash.

Izuku's POV:

I decided to put the thing about Nezu off for a while, so I did what any logical person would.

I decided to rob a mall.

"HEY ANYBODY WANNA ROB A MALL WITH ME!?"

I got a chorus of yes' from Aki, Toga, and Eri.

So in a hour, we were all at the mall, and the camera systems were down. We started by just robbing a candy store. Easy peasy, plus I need stuff for briberies.

So after that, and filling up the first cart, we moved on to a a grocery area, and I bought a lot of tea, and coffee. Both for me and bribes.

After that, I dragged the kids over to the jewelry store. 

Eri and Toga finally have more stuff to play dress up with, and me and Aki have some fancy stuff to look hot in.

We went to multiple clothing stores for the same reason, and I guess a bitch snitched, because cops were by the doors in minutes. Fuck.

"LISTEN SIR, MAAM, IM SURE WE CAN COME TO A NEGOTIATION!" Aki all of a sudden grabbed me by the shoulders, and put the pistol against my head. 

"Let all of us out, or I shoot and you get a bloodied corpse at the trial." Aki isn't a dumb fuck somehow today-

The police started to shot near her with tranq bullets, but luckily she dodged. She then made an empty threat.

"This is a little contraption I made myself call a dead mans gun. Interesting, right? If I get go of it, then it's gonna shoot, and if I pull the trigger it will too! So I suggest you let us head right on through, or the bullet goes straight through his skull."

So the police, not wishing my death, let her through, Eri and Himiko sitting in the back of the wagons.

But once we got out, guess what bitches were standing there? Dadzawa and Tsukki. I'm calling Tsukauchi Tsukki from now on.

"Hiya there Zawa, Tsukki, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You robbed a fucking mall." Tsukki started.

"Yup."

"And you are the kid that literal All Might told me to keep an eye on."

"Yes."

"And you glitter bombed half the police force."

"Mhm." This was starting to get kinda boring.

"AND THEN, YOU GOT KIDNAPPED BY THE OLDEST VILLAIN IN TIME, AND BECAME A FUCKING GOD!"

"Pretty much."

"I have to take you to the station for questioning."

"Haha Hunny no. I'm untouchable."

"How, might I ask?"

"Nezu knows and loves him. He has a family of pro heroes and small bullied children. If you go toe to toe with him, you also go toe to toe with half of Japan." Finally Zawa, took you long enough to learn speech.

"I'm still taking him in-"

"You can't. He's an unaccompanied minor, and as previously stated, he can get your job removed."

"I'm gonna question him dammit!"

"Love You Tsukki, but not as much as sweet freedom. Toodles!"

So I threw a smoke bomb, and said sayonara bitches.

When I got home though, Momnight was not very happy. 

"You guys can't regularly just go fuck with the local law enforcement."

"Wanna bet money?"

"No. Now go do other things."

So we did. Me, hacking.

So I was checking out the black market, when I discovered a child was being sold. One my age. This just became interesting.

A family called the.. holy motherfucking shit. The Monoma Family. And the child for sale is none other than, 

Monoma Neito.

So, I bid for him.

10,000

25,000

30,000

45,000

50,000

AND SOLD, TO DEKU!

Ok, we did it.

Now just to collect him. So, I prance all the way over the Monoma's, and find him. In a box. Literally. Terrified. So I grab the box, and head out.

I notice about halfway that he's still a human inside the box, and he's struggling, so I go into a back alley, and open it.

He bursts out, wearing a blindfold, and in bindings.

"Wow Monoma, never thought this would be how we met again-"

"1A Brat!? Where am I?!" Ah yes, back to his former glory, yet still shaking.

"Well dear child, your parents sold you on black market, and I bought you."

"B-but they said someone paid 50,000!"

"Yup, that's a me, Mario!"

"Why would you do that?"

"Welp, I'm raising about half the Japanese population already, why not?"

"But you spent so much-"

"Yeah and I'm gonna get my ass whooped for that shit. But fuck it, you needed help, and I delivered. Now cmon"

The rest of the walk home was spent in silence, except for the occasional rustling of the leaves.

"IZUKU MIDORIYA CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY IN THE 9 CIRCLES OF HELL YOU SPENT 50K ON THE BLACK MARKET-"

"Mother, I bought a child."

"Oh ok. Where are they?"

"Right here, this is Monoma Neito."

"Oh that kid."

"Yeah, can you get Toga upstairs, and everybody else down?"

"Sure, I guess?"

"Thanks."

So 5 minutes later, I was with Himiko, Monoma outside the door, and I had to explain to Himiko what has happened.

"Hey Himiko, hun, I have something to tell you."

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever heard the name Neito?"

"What?"

"Neito."

"I remember that, but it's fuzzy. Why?"

"Well, you have another big brother, named Neito."

"Mhm, sure?"

"Well, Monoma, come on in!"

They both gasped at seeing eachother, obviously recognizing something.

"Neito-Nii!"

"Himiko!"

So, they chatted for a while, and I left the room. After all, I had a lot of shit to get done.

Across Japan, the Commission President felt a shiver go down her spine.

That's a wrap! Have a good morning, afternoon, or night and I'll see you next time!