When Izuku Remains To Not Give A Fuck

This is what i have been waiting for my entire life

Hello there, it's your favorite author that breathes caffeine, back at it again

Izuku's POV:

Skip to the study date with Momo

So once again, it's time for me to be a dumbass. I'm wearing black for this one, but nothing formal, speaking as we are studying. Now you may be wondering, Izuku, why did you accept more than just Kyoka's offer if you aren't really going on serious dates with them? Well Bakugo and Shinso are to pull another surprise shawty, and Momo because I want to study with her. Also she recently figured out she's lesbian, so yes.

So now it's time. I think she's already at the cafe, so I just need to get there. So I'm walking up now and-

Oh shit someone put something over my mouth- SOMEONE PUT SOMETHING OVER MY MOUTH. Omg is this what I think it is!? Finally! I'm being kidnapped! Time to traumatize them. Oh wait I'm supposed to faint now. I think I've developed an immunity to any sleep drug other than Nemuri's quirk. And honestly, I can see how that happened. So now I slowed down my breathes, and they are hauling me into a van. 

Story time, apparently traveling in a van doesn't take that long. Also forgive me momo, but this is definitely way better than studying.

So I think I'm supposed to be scared. Anyways one of the dudes there said I should be out for an hour or two, so they totally ditched me for now. I'm not sure. Oh wait I still need to tell Momo I'll be late for our date. Luckily the fools left my phone, so yay. 

The bad part? Idk if they put a camera in here. So I can't tell my bae, aka Jirou, or my not bae, aka Momo, that I'm kidnapped at the moment. Maybe I can pull a Toph and scan my surroundings? Nope. Still can't. Wait I'm suddenly a ✨sleepwalker✨

So I pull at my (horrible btw) knots, and they come undone. So I start walking around like I'm asleep, and I open my eyes a little bit, and there's no camera. Only a door with a window. So I discreetly grab my phone and sit against the door, texting momo and Kyoka that I'm getting kidnapped rn, so I won't be free for the next up to 48 hours. Momo freaked out, but Kyoka, used to my antics, just answered with K and told me to be home by Sunday, and currently it's Friday.

So then I put back the phone, and trudge back to the chair, sitting back down and fall asleep. For reals though this time. If I'm right, I have like an hour left, and I don't wanna waste it. Oh shit insomnia exists. So now ima just recreate Hamilton in English because why tf not.

Update, I'm 10 minutes in, and the people just came back. As I've stated before though, Nemuri ain't raise no bitch so I continued recreating it and now I think there's actually a camera here, and a few guys who are personally recording it. I also have my phone set up doing the same, because I wanna be able to look my children in the eye when I get back and tell them I acted out a English rap Broadway show whilst I was kidnapped. Also once I'm done, aka after an hour, it's set to download the video to ICloud so I have proof.

Update two, I just finished, and I'm returning to the chair. The ICloud upload should be done now, so we are good to begin my reign of terror. So the current cast consists of hand kink, the type of chicken nugget that isn't Dino, a lizard in a stain cosplay, mr potato man, and germaphobic bird kink. Also the shiny version of the overgrown Pokémon from the USJ. It's on X-games. So obviously, I start acting terrified.

"W-w-what do you want from me?" My acting is on point

"I want you to die, but of course we have to have a bit of fun with you first." I drop the act

"What kind of fun you talking about? Cause I am in fact bisexual-" that was definitely the best option. And like a fool, hand kink comes up and starts choking me to death with all five fingers.

"Choke me daddy-" he let's go pretty dam quick, either out of surprise I ain't decay or that remark. Then not so Dino nuggie- oh shit wait BURN CREAM!? From quirkless buddies chat!? Goddam. So he starts slowly sinking a knife into my gut. Does it hurt? Yes. Do I have a weird life though and a high as shit pain tolerance though? Also yes.

"Move faster, you only put the tip in." The look on this fuckers face- "Also I thought we had something! Lottie would be disappointed." I fake looking hurt.

"OH SHIT." That's right bitch that's right

"Yup it's that bitch."

"Oh fuck it's Midori."

"Dabi, you know him?" Frizzle Frazzle Dazzle Potato asks.

"I'm pretty sure everyone here except stain lizard and you does." I butt in, because I have to get my entertainment form something, and I haven't gotten villain action since USJ. "I beat blue hair at Mario Cart, I know Dabi from a chat room when we were younger, and I stole Overhauls secret love child."

"Oh? Ok then. Lose ends must be cut. Say goodbye to your quirk."

"Hippity Hoppity Get The Fuck Off Of Me" I say, as he approaches.

"I shall value this immortality quirk." He says, apparently using his to take it. But I ain't no little bitch, so it ain't work. I actually don't know why it didn't work, but whatever.

"Quirk says no" and now he's confused as hell.

"What do you mean? Why can't I take your quirk?" Man, the criminal potato is angry.

"Quirk says no." Man fucking with this dude is fun.

"I guess we will just have to torture it out of you! Boys, have your fun." The guy says, walking out of the room.

"Ok so am I losing my virginity or-" ok so it's been clarified I'm not getting laid here.

So the reptilian that hasn't figured out it's not Halloween yet came up to me with a katana, bad idea.

"Put it inside of me~" and the fool did. So I let out a fake moan, like the bitch I am. And to my surprise, He started moving the katana in and out of me, in a desperate attempt to get me to feel pain. So now I'm acting like he's fucking me, he's role playing as stain, and the ultimate lotion add, bird kink, and the lotor to my team zoltron, are all freaked the fuck out. 

Eventually he stops, but goddamn that was fun- holy shit my phone is still recording and logging this. Me and Kyoka are gonna have fun rewatching this later.

"Now you made me sweaty~" 

"Ok. What the hell is wrong with you?" Wow the stain cosplay is talking

"You wanna list? I heaving updated it in a while, but- oh shit i left it at home. Maybe you could LET ME GO HOME so I can get it!" So now the guy who is probably Hawks's secret simp steps up.

"Listen-" but I definitely do not. Instead, I get up, which I'm not sure they know I could by the way, and cough in his face. Now I have truly invoked angry bird 2's wrath. 

So now that it's been about half an hour, Burger King French fry comes back.

"Now, are you ready to talk-" then I think he realized I was pretty much fine, because fuck bitches get cash, and I'm immortal. Also that all of his subordinates are now questioning their life choices and honestly wishing for death.

"Hi! Can I go home yet?"

"Sure..." I think I literally tired out the fucking symbol of chaos. But anyways, I just grabbed my phone and noped out. Turns out I was in there for like 2 and a half hours. I should be home for Eri's Bedtime. Oh wait I wonder what happened to the shiny Pokémon.

So that's a wrap! I wanted a crack chapter today, and I also have been dreaming of a kidnap scene lately, so here we go! Anyways, have a good morning, afternoon, or night and I'll see you next time!