He Lives In You (COMP.)

31st Chapter: NIGHTMARES

"We were able to resuscitate him, but, I can never tell you when he'll regain consciousness. Maybe within days, weeks, months or in unfortunate cases, never. So, I suggest that you stay beside him. Don't leave his side and pray that he recovers. That's all you can do now. I'm sorry.."

"Sorry", the phrase Yibo wanted to come out from Zhan's mouth, is now the same word he so desperately wants to say to the same man.

The room went silent for a while and only the sound of the ventilator machine along with the beep of the heart monitor is all that can be heard. Yibo's ear was clogged up with the possibility that his lover may never wake up and it recited in his head over and over again. His knees weakened, he felt his blood froze up in his vessels, his whole body couldn't stop shaking and most of all, he couldn't stop blaming himself for what happened because there's no one to indict but him. The doctor's face showed nothing but sympathy for the situation that could've been prevented if only he had put his anger aside and took care of him. The 1st time he experienced being in a hospital like this was because his lover wanted to disappear, it was the man's choice to go, but then, when God provided him with a second chance to live and love again, he decided to push that person to the edge that ultimately led to everybody hurting just like before.

The cries from Yuta's family when they thought that Zhan has lost his life and the clamour of his Uncle and brother, echoed endlessly in his thoughts. It vibrates through every single one of the organs inside his body that made him unable to feel anything except remorse.

His feet couldn't feel the floor and he just stood there while he stares blankly at the door closing in front of his eyes, like the man's existence which suffered from his hands, the same hands who were supposed to cherish and shelter the fragile man. None of it was a dream, and his tears abundantly start to stream as reality begins to slap away the tiny hope that's left in him, for there was nothing more left to say or things to do except to wait.

Wait for Zhan to live or wait for him to die.

Yibo, with fear crawling inside of him, turned to Zhan's motionless body that was lying on the bed, with tubes attached to his nose and mouth, wearing the same blue hospital gown as Yuta wore, and walked hesitantly to the sleeping man. Every step was heavy for Yibo and being alone in the room with Zhan didn't help either. He was the only one allowed at the ICU while the others waited at the visitor's area. Yibo sat beside his lover, unwilling to gaze at the face of his unstable state, and carefully slid his palms into his hand. It was warm but soulless, alive but withering, and he never noticed until now how Zhan's bones stick out and how thin his skin had become. He wept continues as he examines Zhan's bluish hand, realising how his anger and selfishness impacted his health over those months. Even worse, how would he tell his family especially Yubin about what happened to him?

As he continues to wrestle with his emotions, he suddenly remembers what Yubin had told him when he came to Beijing. He recalled the man's face, crammed not with threats, but a warning.

"Return him to me, Wang Yibo if you'll just continue hurting him. He's weak, please don't continue to shatter him, you might regret it one day.."

The warning he didn't heed will now haunt him for the rest of his life. How evil could he be for letting it happen to a man who simply wanted for him to love him back? How could he blame someone who didn't even ask for that heart in the first place? Why didn't he think of that instead of making Zhan feel guilty all the time? But, even if he screamed or jumped off the bridge now, it will never take back all the pain he had caused Zhan and those people who love him. He got to face whatever consequence waiting for him and he is more than ready to do so, even if it means not see Zhao again, as long as he'll wake up.