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Chapter 29: beautiful

Wilbur shifted. Yes, he could go clear and colorful but he didn't know what he was. He didn't have any cool things about him you could see. When he was colorful, you couldn't see. Besides, he couldn't even control it.

Little him felt sad about that. Bad was a demon, he'd seen diamonds on skeppy, Sam.. he didn't know but he'd seen pointy ears on him, ponk, well, maybe he was human.. puffy wasn't human, his dad wasn't human, tommy wasn't human, techno.. they were twins but.. was he human..?

He didn't know. But right now thinking made him sad. He hugged sapnaps arm and had one hand on dreams little blob head.

Sapnap looked at him and kissed his head. "You ok?" He ask softly. Wilbur nodded. He needed to stop thinking.
He sat up and began playing with george's wings again. Hopefully this would distract him.

Dream hopped off his lap and sat in sapnaps. Sapnap looked down at him and tilted his head. Dream never really let anyone hold or touch him as a blob except wilbur and his mom, probably foolish as well.

Dream let out a quiet noise and curled up in his lap. Sapnap smiled softly and gently pet his head. Dream relaxed and closed his eyes.

George shivered and smiled, letting wilbur play with his wings. Wilbur observed how blue they were and the swirls of purples and other blues, they were a bit transparent as well.

Wilbur wished he had wings like this. They were cool and pretty. He shook his head. He needed to stop thinking like that. He needed to just accept the way he looked.

But that was easier said than done.
There was so many things he didn't like. He didn't like that he was so sensitive, that he had breakdowns just because he thought of something or got mildly upset. He didn't like a lot of things mentally but he also didn't like things physically either.

Yes, he liked his thighs but usually only if he was feeling upset about his masculinity, he hated how tall he was actually, and he hated the scars on his body. Most of all, the worst thing to him, he hated his male parts.

He absolutely despised them, which of course we already know that but he really didn't like it. It made him feel gross and upset. Wilbur didn't realize he'd started thinking horrible again.

Even little him couldn't handle this. He whimpered and looked down. He stopped playing with george's wings and just sat looking down. He removed the pacifier from his mouth feeling insecure about anything now.

Sapnap looked at him and frowned. "Will?" Wilbur shifted and got up rummaging through his dresser. Sapnap handed dream to george and got up walking over to him. "Hey what're you doing?"

Wilbur frowned. "Wanna change.." he mumbled. Sapnap cupped his cheeks. "Why? I like the skirt honey" wilbur whimpered. "I-i-" he glanced at dream and george.

Sapnap gently took his hand and left the room with him. He took him to the bathroom and sat him on the counter. "Ok.. talk to me.." he said softly.

Wilbur looked down and shifted. Now was the time to have a sort of grown up talk. His head went down and sapnap immediately cupped his cheeks holding his head gently.

Wilburs eyes fluttered open and he looked at sapnap. "Sap..?' he mumbled. Sapnap kissed his head. "Yeah.. what's wrong will..?' he ask softly once again.

Wilbur shrugged. "No, I'm not accepting 'i don't know' or not talking. You need to tell me' wilbur felt so small but he needed to stay big.

He couldn't have this conversation if he was small. "I-i guess.. I'm.. in too sensitive.. too emotional.. i-i get sad too easily and small things upset me"

Sapnap nodded. "Ok.." wilbur saw he wasn't going to interrupt him and wanted him to continue. He looked at his lap. "I'm overly insecure and I can't handle things, thats why my personality is split, I can't handle the things on my mind and I can't.. I can't handle.. being.. me.."

"Being you..?' he ask softly. "H-having what I was born with, everything that's happened and the things on my mind, it's all just- i-i don't know what to do"

Sapnap wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his head. "Do you mean mentally and physically..?' wilbur nodded. "Those thoughts I get and wanting to stay in bed all day, how I feel shitty mentally.. the other is.. just.." his hand made a motion to his lap.

Sapnap nodded. "Yeah.. I know honey.. I know how painful it is mentally.. I may not know exactly how you feel.. not everything your dealing with.. but I promise.." he took his hands.

"I'm gonna be here for you.. talk to me like this any time you need.." wilbur sniffed and wiped his eyes nodding.

"And will..?' he said softly, gently tracing his finger on his thigh. Wilbur looked at him. "yeah..?' sapnap kissed his cheek, wilbur tilting and turning his head to let him.

"I think you look beautiful in the skirt.."