The Beginning In Our End

Chapter 4 - A Troubled Mind

Joanna Garcia- Rebecca

..

Ava's POV.

I reached for the doorknob of the front door, texting Logan I'd be outside. Luckily for me, he was already walking towards me from across the street.

"Hey there," I grinned.

He smiled back weakly, making me slightly frown in confusion.

"You okay?" I asked as I reached for a hug, but only to be left with more confusion as he pulled back.

"Yeah, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"Oh. Well do you want to grab some coffee?"

"Sure." He slightly nodded.

We reached Headley's, a corner coffee shop I have adored for quiet some time now.

"Hey Hailey," I greeted the blonde cashier. "Two caramel cappucinos, extra hazelnut in mine please."

"Comin' right up."

After a few minutes, I grabbed both plastic cups of coffee as I joined Logan at a table and handed him his. He gulped his down within a matter of minutes, leaving my mouth slightly ajar as I watched him chug.

"How many hours of sleep did you get?"

"None." He shrugged.

"Why?"

He shrugged once again.

I reached and rested my hand over his with a concerned look, "Hey, you okay?"

I searched his sad eyes, only finding a barrier that I knew protected something underneath.

"Yeah." He lied.

I decided not to pry him for more information. Judging on the look on his face, it seemed best to just give him some time.

"Okay," I gave him a small smile.

After a few minutes of absolute silence, I spoke up, "Let's go for a drive."

"Where?"

There was only spot that was on my mind.

"You'll see."

..

Logan's POV.

She parked the car but kept her hands rested on the wheel, looking out somberly. "We're here."

I looked out, my eyes widened at the view. We were on top of a hill that over looked the city. It was such an amazing sight. I looked back at her, noticing a kind of pain behind her eyes as she stared out the window, as if remembering a bad memory. Making the gut wrenching feeling in my stomach only worsen.

I reached in the back of her car, grabbing a blanket and a bottle of vodka I knew she has kept hidden. I strongly disapproved of her drinking, but no matter what I said, I knew she would continue to drink if there was still pain. Leaving me the duty to make sure there is no pain in her life. The feeling in my stomach twisted at my thoughts and I realized. She'll be in more pain if she finds out.

I shook my head, pushing away my guilty thoughts.

A confused look overtook her face as I grabbed the items and exited the car. She followed, staring at the bottle of vodka I held in my hand.

"What's that for?"

"For fun." I smiled for the first time this week.

"I thought you don't like drinking? Or me drinking?"

"Well I guess I can make an exception for tonight." I shrugged as I laid the blanket down on the green grass. She joined beside me as I opened the bottle and took a swig, feeling the alcohol linger down my throat, making me slightly cringe. She chuckled as she grabbed the bottle, taking a longer swig.

"Don't go all crazy Ava," I said, "Or else I'm gonna have to drive us home."

"That might not be such a bad idea." She said and took another swig.

"So why'd you take me here?" I asked curiously, wondering why this place had such an affect on her.

"It's beautiful." She said. But something in her tone hid other infomation.

"Yeah, it is." I spoke, never taking my eyes off her.

We sat there in silence, gazing over the city as the sky darkened, leaving stars in it's path.

I noticed her eyes faltered as she looked around us, pain brewing behind them.

I grabbed her hand, sliding my fingers through hers. "You okay?"

She nodded quickly in response.

"I'll always be here for you.." I assured her, hoping I could remain true to my words.

But something I had said made her eyes widen and frantically look around us. "We shouldn't be here."

She pulled away from me and stood up, "We shouldn't be here." She repeated.

"But it was your idea to come here?" I asked in confusion.

"Well it was a bad idea." She snapped as she climbed in the car, and I followed behind with the blanket and half empty vodka bottle.

"What are you talking about? I thought we were having a good time."

She gave no response the entire time we drove back home. I stayed silent, wondering what went wrong or what I said to set her off.

As soon as she parked the car in her driveway, she got out the car and I followed her to her doorstep. She turned around to look at me. Her expression seemed more calm but I remained cautious, afraid she might blow up again. I hesistated before speaking up. "Are you okay?"

She looked as if she was fighting back tears, but she nodded slowly. "I will be."

I pulled her into my arms, wrapping her in my embrace. I so desperately wanted for her to feel my reassurance. To let her know that as long as she's with me, she'll be okay. But two things troubled my mind. First, I knew what she was trying to hide since we have been together. It was obvious ever since the night she first came over to my house. She still loves Taylor. As much as it pains me to admit it, I know she does. It seems rather selfish of me to hold on to her when her heart belongs to another but for as long as I could remember, she has always rejected her feelings. She says time and time again that she has moved on and as much as I want to believe her, I know that behind her wall she has spent so long building up, is every emotion and memory Taylor has given her that I could never fill. But as desperate for her as I am, I still hold on to her, hoping that one of these days I can make her smile the way he did. I know I can, but there is still one more thing keeping me from my goal. If she finds out what I did, she'll never forgive me. I know she won't, but I can't lose her. Even if I may not have her heart, she has mine. So with all my strength, I will hide this secret and maybe it will die down with time. It has to. I can't lose her. I just can't.