The Beginning In Our End

Chapter 25- Hot Dogs With Frenchie

Ava's POV.

We waited in line at Gray's Papayas, the greatest gourmet hot dog place in New York. I have heard about this place, and I knew Jasper and I had to come. Once we were in front, he had ordered four cheesey dogs with two large sodas. He offered to pay even though I strictly said I had wanted to be the one to pay. He ignored me as he handed the money to the cashier, a wide grin plastered to his face.

As soon as our order was ready, we took our food in a bag and headed out the door. We had called a taxi and told him to wait outside as we grabbed our food.

"Central Park, please." Jasper told the driver. And with that, we were on our way.

..

"Oh, I found a bench." He said, pulling me along beside him as we sat down. He was eager to take the bag and open it. I chuckled to myself as he eyed his hot dog with wide eyes. He slowly took a huge bite of his hot dog, his eyes fluttering closed. Muffled groans came from his mouth as he chewed.

"I feel so complete." He said in a desirable tone. "I can't believe I've lived my entire life without this."

It was only minutes before he had finished it completely and was now on his second one. I had stuck with only one as I lightly chewed on mine. I took multiple sips of my drink in between.

"So tell me about yourself," he said in between bites, "I feel like I hardly know you."

"That's because you do hardly know me," I chuckled.

He playfully elbowed me as he pushed on, "Seriously. Tell me about yourself. Like about your family and stuff."

"My family?" I repeated hesitantly. It felt strange talking about personal things with him, but you don't make friends by shutting them out. This was something I still had to learn. "I was sixteen when my mother passed away-"

"I'm so sorry." He interrupted. I smiled gratefully as he let me go on.

"I had lived with my father after that, but I barely knew him. It was.. quiet bumpy living with him. I stayed beside him as he struggled though his alcohol addiction and his discovery of pancreatic cancer. He was all I had, and I couldn't lose him."

"How is he now?"

"He's better." I smiled, "He's married now, and healthy as a horse. He couldn't be more happy."

I stayed silent after that, and it wasn't till then when he had broke the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"A-Are you happy?"

I thought about his question further. I wasn't sad or particulary negative towards anything. But was I happy? If I was being completely honest, I don't think I have felt true happiness in a very long time. It was something I had seeked for many times, but had recieved once. When I was with him. I don't think I was ever in such a better state than when I was with him. Besides that, it felt as if everything was empty. Not sad, but just not.. happy. But this was all behind me for a reason.

"I don't know." I shrugged, "I'm trying to be."

"Why do you have to try to be? What makes it so hard to be happy?"

I had never gave these questions any though till now. I had no idea how to answer.

"I guess," I started to realize, "I guess it's never been that hard to be happy."
"So why aren't you happy?"

He had talked ahout happiness as if it was so simple.. But maybe it was. Maybe it was no one's choice but my own wether I was happy or not. Maybe nothing drastic had to happen in order for me to turn things around. Maybe now could be the moment I'd start. It was all up to me.

"I will be now," I reassured him. "Thank you."

"Now can I ask you something that'd be on my mind?"

"Of course."

"Who is he?"

I froze in that moment. It was as if I never had to explain anythin to Jasper. It was as if he already knew. There was no way I could argue with the subject any longer.

"His name is Taylor," I murmured softly, remembering the memories that could still bring warmth to me, "He was my first love.. Everything had started my first week of school.."

I had explained everything to him. Every detail and aspect that has occured since I met him. There way no way I could forget any of it. I couldn't help but cry as I relived every moment. So much had happened between us. So much I hadn't realized I missed until now.

..

We exited the elevator and walked down the hallway to my apartment door.

"I'm so sorry for being such a mess earlier." I chuckled as we stood outside of the door.

"It's okay," he reassured, "it's never easy to talk about the ones we love."

I paused and shuffled my feet awkwardly. I felt his hand on my shoulder, making me look up. My eyes widened slightly as I saw a type of desire in his eyes. I held my breath as he started to near closer to me. His face was only mere inches away from mine. I knew what he was going to do. As tempting as it was, I couldn't go through with it. I just couldn't.

I took a step back, leaving him with flushed cheeks and a look of embarassment.

"I'm sorry." I murmured, "I can't."

He looked down and nodded to himself. I bit on my lip as I mentally cursed at myself for pulling away. He was sweet and has been very kind to me, but the thought of being with him in an intimate way, it didn't feel right. I didn't feel comfortable. Which made me hate myself more. When was I going to finally move on from Taylor? When was I finally going to be set free?

"I should of known." He muttered. "It's never works out when you try to love someone who is in love with someone else." He turned back and walked off back to the elevator. I wanted to protest and tell him I wasn't in love with Taylor, but I don't think he would of believed me. I'm not sure if I would of believed myself. Wether I liked it or not, this wasn't just some phase. This wasn't something that was going to go away within a week.

I wish I could hate him. I wish I could scowl at him like he's the one person I despise the most. I wish I could walk by him and not be so bothered. I wish I could look at him and say that I never wanted him to be apart of my life. Because I did, desperately. I wish everything between us could of been so simple. I wish we didn't have to think about others when it came to a relationship. When it came to us, we were hurting others around us. Like Sarah, or Logan. There's way too many thing complicating it. It had to be a sign, it just had to. Surely, no relationship had to go through such difficulties.

I sighed deeply before turning around and knocking on the door. I would of walked in if the door wouldn't have been long. It was a minute or so before Kylie answered the door, and the look on her face made me go pale. Her eyes were wide in shock and her mouth was slightly ajar. The only words that left her mouth was,

"He's here."

..

I'm too lazy to look over the chapter and see if anything is wrong.

But anyways, do you like this chapter? Yes, no? Make sure to vote and comment! If you want to take a little peek into my life behind the mind, don't be shy to follow me on instagram @sincerely.sammie thank guys!