At the day when you choose to left, I saw my heart shattered into pieces, I ran out of breath when I heard your footsteps farther away, it’s painful to breath that day. That was happened too fast, I can’t even understand what exactly you said, one thing I was able to understand that day was: you no longer here, you’re gone, you can’t even look at me that day. And then I wondered where did we go wrong? why we can’t work out? why this time we can’t make things clear like we used to do when we were fighting? I wonder why. And after that I looked around trying to distracting myself from that painful goodbye, I couldn’t breath when I remember we have so much memories trapped in this house, all those day we were spend together, those songs we listened while cleaning this whole house, it flashed in my eyes as if I just got my whole life flashbacked, that flashback you would see when you’re going to die. My heart ached so bad that day, the pain i never know would be that hurt I felt that day. I can’t do anything expect see myself at the point i’m going to explode. It’s tragically funny, how simple goodbye can make me want to digging my own grave. I might be looking dramatic or sounds overreacting but have to let go someone you thought you will spend the rest of your life with them hurt so bad, I couldn’t even explain how hurt that day I felt. Those pain that lead me to self-destruct, made me want to painted my skin in red. But I was too exhausted that day, all I do is cried, cried, and cried. I couldn’t even remember when the last time I cried that hard, but i still crying until my eyes hurt and puffy.
But that day has passed, and now I feel much better but numb at the same time. I can’t love someone as much I love you, I no longer feel those butterfly or head over heels because someone, I feel nothing. But maybe that’s better I guess, I can’t even imagine having relationship right now, it give me a lot of pressure, at least not now. The pain you gave that day still stuck on me, I swear I don’t want to feel that kind of pain again. I still have to learn to letting you go, I have to accept the fact that you’re just a past for me now but don’t worry, I’m working on it i’ll get over it. Because I don’t want to stuck with you and memories you left too. So, this is last the time i think bout you and after that you’re just a memory that not worth to think anymore. Because life must goes on right?
(at the day you choose to left me)
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dikekang nestapa
Poetrypada puisi-puisi nona sembunyikan tatkala tengah dikekang nestapa, sepatutnya tak kau bakar dan raibkan sebab puisi-puisinya adalah saksi akan derita yang pernah mampir memporak-porandakkan sang nona begitu hebatnya. (sehimpun puisi. versi baru.)
