Purposely accidental

Ashton

                I've been keeping in regular contact with Lacey since I laid my feelings out plainly. We are finally meeting up and I can't wait to see her. I get this constricted feeling in my chest when we are apart for too long. I'm not sure if it's anxiety or what, but I don't like how it makes me feel. I shrug off my brief bout of melancholy and get dressed in black jeans that hug my butt nicely and a simple tight white tee shirt that clings to my muscles.

I know I look good and I hope Lacey notices too. I've missed her. I know it seems silly. What's a couple of days?  But I do. After the weirdest three months of barely seeing her, it has been hard. I'm nervous about tonight. Having not looked into her eyes these past few days, I don't know what she is feeling. What page she is on. Hopefully after we talk I'll know where I stand. Whether that is by her side as her friend or whether she can see the potential for more.

We have both chosen our friendship over a possible relationship in the past. But things are different now. I've touched her, tasted her. I know what I would be missing out on now that we've crossed that line. Holding back as best I could these past few months has been torture. I want Lacey with every breath of my being. She is the very air I breathe and now I've had a glimpse of being with her, I will never be the same again.

My mum always told me that I was blind to all of life's possibilities and she was right. All this time that has gone by, could have been spent loving Lacey the way she deserved. Sure I have shown her love, we are not best friends for no reason. But now it's my opportunity to show her romantic love and I really want to be the man she spends her life with. Not just the friend on the side lines.

It doesn't take long to reach her place and I am at her door knocking before I can work myself into an anxious frenzy. When she opens the door my heart stills for a moment. She is wearing a baby blue sun dress. My favourite colour on her. I take in a shuddering breath and fumble out a compliment like a bumbling idiot. "W...wow Lace... You look...wow."

"Hahaha, okay mister smooth. Come on in."

How is she so relaxed while I'm a nervous wreck? Oh I know... She holds my heart in her hands and with one squeeze of her tiny fist, life as I know it could end.

I follow Lacey inside and join her on her couch. Her posture seems relaxed but I can read her subtle cues better than that. Her eyes are twitching like she's running through thoughts over and over again. I wanted to let her talk first but she's unusually silent.

Grabbing her hands gently with mine, her eyes flick up and lock on mine. "I've missed you sunshine," I say hesitantly.

A sweet smile crosses her face. "I've missed you too Ash. Sorry about all this mess." Lacey hangs her head in defeat.

"Hey..." I stroke her cheek and make her look back at me. "If it's got to do with you, then it's never too messy for me baby."

Lacey sucks in a shuddering breath and bites her bottom lip. Something flickers across her eyes and I'm instantly on alert. "I've been doing some soul searching and trying to figure out the best way to move forward..."

She's making me nervous... Where is she going with this?

"Okay..."

"I feel like I should start at the beginning and make my way forwards to now. So you get the complete unfiltered truth from me. That's the only way I see us moving forward and deciding what this thing between us truly means."

I nod and one side of her mouth rises into a half smile.

"Well I guess I go back to where it all began for me. Do you remember that day when we were twelve and I asked you to kiss me?"