The Emo Boy I Cried For

Nineteen.

I watched Felix walk across the school patio. I knew he could see me, but he was ignoring me. Sierra had her arm around me. "Don't worry babe, he's not worth it." she reassured me.

He was worth it.

My heart sank and it felt as though someone was stabbing me. A tear rolled down my cheek. Sierra looked at me pityingly. I watched Felix sitting on his own, like all those weeks ago when I first laid eyes on him. He looked up, seeing me staring. A look of pain crept across his face. For a moment, I thought he'd come over and hug me and take me back.

But then, the school bell went. He got up and disappeared into the building. I lost it. Tears streamed down my face.

 Why me?

Sierra hugged me and smiled. "He's in our next class. You wanna bunk?" she asked.

I shook my head. I just wanted to see him.

We walked into class, and I sat next to Sierra. There, at the back, sat Felix. He had his hoodie sleeves pulled over his arms, and he looked at the ground, trying to avoid my eye contact. The teacher started talking, and I didn't listen.

I sat there, bititng my lip just so I didn't cry. Shamefully, I turned to look at Felix. He sat there, staring out of the window. Felix looked at me, staring me right in the eyes. I could see straight through his eyes and into his soul.

His eyes were a dark, grey colour, like the ancient skies, full of interest and mystery. He seemed to be as heartbroken as me. But if he was, why did he break up with me? I needed to speak to him. But I couldn't.

"Felix..." I mouthed at him. He shrugged and looked longingly out of the window. I burst into tears and stood up, leaving the classroom. I sprinted as fast as I could along the corridor, dodging students and teachers.

"Ria!" Someone shouted behind me. Probably Sierra. I didn't care. I was leaving.

I ran out onto the school field, the rain pouring down around me. I sobbed and sobbed, swearing under my breath. Sitting down in the grass, I punched the ground. "Fuck life." I muttered, feeling numb and irritated.

I had never felt so alone, so depressed, and so angry. My heart ached and it felt as though I was being repeatededly stabbed. Why was this happening? No one in the world has ever been this sad.

Then it hit me.

Felix felt this sad. He was depressed for half of his life. I made him happy, but now I wasn't in his life, maybe he'd be depressed again.

Maybe he'd self-harm again. Maybe he'd drink again. Maybe he'd be alone again. It's my fault. I had lost my best friend, lover and my strength.

"Adrianna." someone behind me panted. Only one person called me by my full name. 

I spun round. Felix stood there, wet through with rain. "Talk to me." he whispered.