Frozen Feelings

Validation

I don't know what's wrong with me
I'm happy when I'm by myself
Yet I can't stop swiping on tinder
Counting all the potential matches

It's not that I actually want to date
And I'm not gonna fuck around, either
I don't care about the men or the profiles
I just want to hear validation

You never told me I was beautiful
Unless I tried to pry
You never said I was gorgeous
Until after you made me cry

I never heard the words I deserved
When I was in it for the long run
So now that I've been broken
I need to hear it from everyone

I know it's stupid
That I should stop
Who cares?
I know I'm hot

The problem with that is
I really don't know that
My entire life
I've denied it

I hate my skin
I hate the fat underneath
It makes me feel ugly
And that makes me weak

If only I didn't settle
Found a man that treats me right
Then I wouldn't search for it
On strangers profiles late at night

The truth is... I'm broken
I'm empty of life
My soul wants to go on
But my body won't fight

I hate the person I'm becoming
Mindlessly swiping on these men
Hoping they'll reach out
To tell me I'm a ten out of ten

In reality I know it doesn't matter
That's why I don't reply
My worth won't be found
By some dumb guy

I have to give it to myself
When I look in the mirror
Put work into my health
So it's crystal clear

Until I love myself
My body and my heart
My mind won't rest
It'll tear me apart