Frozen Feelings

Clown

I know I'm hurting myself
Just by being in your presence
I'm glad I'm moving far away
That way I can't continue this

The miles between us
Will force me to leave you for good
Though I'll never have real closure
The distance will allow me to heal

When I'm with you now
My thoughts turn off
Like I can't see you
Unless I'm gone

When I drive home
Wind blowing on my face
That's when I seem to remember
That's when I feel the pain

It's a common break up story
You cheated on me, so I left
But that doesn't diminish
The scars that you carved

The commonality does not change
The trauma that will follow me
When I do get the chance
To love again

Though scars aren't bleeding anymore
You still know they're there
They physically mark your body
Yet you don't have to look to see them

I'm going to try my best
To prevent my scars from bleeding again
I'll have to remember it's okay
When I hear that distrustful voice in my head

They say if you don't learn the lesson
It will repeat again
So if not anything else
Thanks for proving that to be true

This time, I will demand
My next love won't end like this
I won't let another man brand my heart
The iron won't go near the fire

It's always been me
Whether subconscious or not
I lit the fire
Instead of putting it out

I needed you at the time
So I waived the signs I saw
I thought you would help me
I found I replaced one heart break with another

In two weeks
I can wipe the makeup off
I'll remove my shoes
And throw away the big red ball

I'm not your fucking clown anymore.