Frozen Feelings

Desperate

When I opened that email
My heart sank to the depths
I was suddenly lost at sea
With the waves crashing in

When I filled out my application
I was trying not to get my hopes up
Everyone told me I would get in
My eyes filled, bottom to top

When my vision blurred
My head spun
I felt like I needed this
What more could I have done

The school of my dreams
A curriculum I yearned
School usually bores me
This, I wanted to learn

I sat in my bed
My bones cold
I read it again
Every word

After months of preparation
After waiting months more
I was told my dream would wait
That my foot was slammed in the door

I lost a spark that day
I lost a piece of my heart
The profession I love
Tore me apart

Forced to face the consequences
Of giving up on the semester
My gpa dropped
Only to hinder me later

Like everything else that year
My mind spun in circles
What more can I take
Of life's circus

I hadn't told many people
For I had a bad feeling this would come
That didn't make it hurt less
I still had to tell everyone

So when they told me I wasn't good enough
That my blood sweat and tears wouldn't do it
I made the most of this year
I pushed myself to my limit

They want a well rounded applicant
Then that is what they will get
This time I'm ready
I'm not just desperate