Frozen Feelings

Puppet

My father told me
To always play nice
I was not allowed to brag
I was told to hide

My dad and I
We shared secrets
Ones that mom didn't know
It was normal

He told me
That I was lucky
That you got the worse hand
Of life's shitty deal

So I believed him
Without a doubt
I sold my soul
To you

We became the best of friends
I became your life line
No matter where we were
You could always count on me

When I grew up
Things changed
As time went by
I knew

The time I had spent
The dent in my wallet
My heart on the line
I couldn't do it

When I told my parents
You were joining my class
Their faces turned to frowns
They realized I was stuck

Soon you chose the same college
The one I chose months before
You don't tell anyone else that, though
You spun a different story

My dad came to me one night
His smell pungent in the air
He told me you were the devil
That he wanted me to separate from you

I thought he was being dramatic
That the alcohol was exaggerating
But over the past three years
The horns became more clear

He hoped college would give me a chance
To leave you behind
So I could move on
So I could live my life

I don't know why nobody ever warned me
Sooner than when it was too late
The damage is irreversible now
I have no choice but to break

I am a piece of trash
Floating in the wind
I have no purpose
I am restless

That's what you tell me
Whether it's direct or not
You do your best
To make me feel small

When you're at your lowest
I sacrifice the world for you
When I'm at my lowest
You break my spirit, too

On the outside
People think you care
That you take care of me
But it's not the truth

The truth is that when I needed you
When I was helpless for 2 months
You made it seem like I was the problem
For needing more than a hug

I'm sorry I'm an inconvenience
Because I slipped on some ice
I didn't mean to waste your time
Or make you change your life

But don't think I will forget
The time when I finally asked for help
And after the years of my own sacrifice
You left me there... on purpose

So yes I love you more than anything
I used to give you the air from my lungs
But I've realized that when I'm gasping
You go completely numb

At some point I realized
I had to make a choice
Do I live my life for you
Or do I find my own voice

Do I stand up for myself
After all I've done is crawl
Do I tell you I can't anymore
So I stop another fall

What nobody sees anymore
Is that the strings pull my knees
I've been crawling for so long
Because you make me