Frozen Feelings

Ghost

I woke up today
I looked at the date
I knew today would suck
You never go away

What could have been three years
You stole the words from my mouth
"I'm grateful I'm away from you"
Our anniversary haunts me

I'm finally healing myself
Figuring out who I truly am
I'm not hiding behind you
A shadow of a man

I'm still doing things that hurt
Because the pain feels good
I know it's not the best
But it's better than us

I think about you all the time
And even though I hate what you did
I still fucking love you
Which honestly makes no sense

I keep remembering the lies I told
So my family didn't tell me to leave
I lived a whole other life with you
One where you verbally and mentally abused me

I'm not completely there yet
I'm not happy to be able to breathe
But each inhale hurts a little less
The air is better for me

I know you'll get what you deserve
And the past is in the past
I just hate how you affect my future
With your stupid game of chess

I was a piece for so long
I got absorbed in the game
Now that I'm trying to be me
It's not the same

I'm working on things
Day by day
It's not easy
But I'm okay

I hate how my mind works
It refuses to let you go
I know in my heart
You'll always be a ghost