Frozen Feelings

Light

What am I supposed to do?
I know that I'm broken
I know I can't deny it anymore
My flood gates are open

How do I go from this
A mess, every night
To someone who's okay
Someone with light

I've been down a couple roads
That seemed promising at the time
Those roads turned into cliffs
Where I drove off the edge

I thought I was finally happy
That I could be 100% me
Then I took my blinders off
He controlled me all along

He took each piece that I gave
Which was every piece of me
He stole it and broke it again
After he promised

People say you learn
After each person
To let your walls down
Or to trust again

When I tried to do that
I got hurt again
Not only did I hurt myself
But I hurt someone else

I don't want to be that person
The one that everyone loves
But if you get too close
I'll shred your heart up

See on the outside I seem okay
Like I have my shit together
But that couldn't be further from the truth
Each day gets heavier and heavier

I've pushed my trauma to the bottom
A pit so deep it's scary
Now that I have to resurface it
It's a lot of weight to carry

When a rock hits your windshield
You can ignore it for a while
The crack is just so small
You can drive a few more miles

Once there is one crack in the glass
More will certainly follow
Each one makes you weaker
Until you are simply hollow

Im trying to be present
Not lose track of time
It's easy to get lost
Easy to just be fine

As the numbness grows
I push it away
I need to feel this one
Or I'll never be okay

So yeah I'll cry each night
Let my soul hit the floor
As I reminisce through pictures
It's worse than before

Though the light appears black
Comfortable and easy
I'll fight for others
Those who say they "need" me