Frozen Feelings

Over You

I'm over you
I really am
I can't stand you
I don't want you

I hate the way you treated me
All the pain you knowingly caused
I hate how you just threw me away
Without repercussions at all

I'm over you and I don't want to go back
I'm done with your games
The thought of being your girlfriend
It honestly just makes me sick

I'm not over how you lied to me
How you reassured me all the time
Now I've built a bunch of walls
For someone else to climb

I'm not over how you treated me
The way you made my cry
Each day that I was with you
I felt bad... all the time

We may have shared some good memories
But that's beside the point
Because even though there is good
You ruined it all by yourself

I'm not over the layers of trauma I have
Buried deep within my soul
Loving you was reckless
I lost myself and all control

I felt good by myself
My life was refreshed
Then I had to move away
Take a new breath

I sought out someone else this time
Someone to hold me and to fuck
I told him ahead of time
I won't be a girl to love

Though he's out of my life now
He did show me his heart
When he opened up to me
My layers fell apart

It's the little things, I found
Like when he paused before he spoke
My instant reaction was "I'm sorry"
This was my first indication

He asked me to turn around
To look him in the eyes
"Tell me why you're sorry"
I was honestly surprised

I didn't realize how you affected me
How you made my brain change
My heart simply followed
Getting more hollow day by day

One night we sat out by the fire
As I gazed at the sky full of stars
He asked me if I would ever be ready
My eyes became a blur as I replied

"I wish that I could be"
And that part was true
Even if I didn't want him
I wish I could be ready to

The honest truth is that I'm broken
I'm working through these layers
A new discovery I just made
Holding me as hostage

I think back about the times we shared
Both the good and the bad
I keep finding new trauma
That I thought was missing

You turned my heart to metal
Sharper than just one knife
If someone wants to ever love me
They'll have to fight and fight

You broke my trust, baby bear
I reminisced on our texts
"I promise someday I'll marry you"
Now words mean nothing

I want to be okay
To give a genuine smile
But I know it'll take time
So I'll be fake for a while

I hate feeling this way
Like I have to relive you
Just to move on from us
To be the best version of me

I'm sure I'll always find more trauma
From when you manipulated me
I just can't wait for the day
When I can finally be truly free