Surprising turn - a turn for the better? Or into madness ... (Draco Ff)

Chapter 9 ~ What is that feeling?

Victorias Pov.

I looked up, right into Potter's disgusting face.
I didn't let it show that he'd found out my secret.
"Well, it's a shame to have to disappoint you, Potter, but we don't belong to the Dark Lord, and if I wasn't weakened I would have finished you off," I managed to get across my lips.
He threw my wand at my feet and walked off with his entourage in tow.

I was still sitting in the wet grass, the students who were there before had disappeared again, just not Draco, who was about to help me up and support me, but then I just shook my head and so we went back to the castle, halfway there  I stopped and said: "He knows, he knows what we are."
He just nodded and so we went on, only that we didn't go back to the castle, but that we strolled through the Hogwarts grounds.
It was quiet, but it wasn't an awkward silence.
It was such a silence in which everyone could just hang out their thoughts.
Draco broke this silence, however, with a question, "Why didn't you tell me that you are one of them too and that you seem to have the same job as me?"
I sighed, "I just didn't know how. What does yours look like?"
Silence until he broke it again, "I have to fix the Vanishing Cabinet so the Death Eaters can get into the castle and ........... I have to kill Dumbledore because I have to fix this again, what screwed up my father, and you? "
"I have to fix the cabinet with you, only I don't have to kill Dumbledore, I have to make sure that you do it," I said with a sigh.

We went on a little more in silence.
"I was really scared about what happened at the Death Eater meeting, you shouldn't have gotten it all, I'm involved in it too." Draco blamed himself.
I saw the pain in his eyes, the guilt almost ate him up inside.
In moments like that I knew that Draco Malfoy wasn't like his father, he wasn't the cold block of ice everyone knows.
I've seen Draco's real "me" many times, but he didn't show it often because, as our parents used to say, "Feelings make you weak" ...
I stopped, which made Draco stop too.
“I hope you know that you can't blame yourself for what happened.  You didn't know that I was wearing the dark mark too, although you should have guessed it.
In any case, you couldn't have known that we were given the same task by the dark lord.
You are not to blame.
And I also challenged it a little and provoked him. ", I said what came to my mind spontaneously.
“I thought you'd be one of them anyway, you're a Lestrange after all.  Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself.
When I got the dark mark in the summer, a world collapsed for me.
I made a promise to myself at the time that I wouldn't involve anyone in my affairs, "Draco admitted openly, looking me in the eye.
I returned the look.
“I know how you felt when you got that branded in.
I remember like it was just yesterday.
It hurt so badly and I didn't want to admit that I was like that now.
To be like my parents always wanted me to be.
I mean I was only 11 ", I reminisced.
I bowed my head.
Draco stood across from me and lifted my chin with his finger, forcing me to look at him.
"I fell in love with you Victoria," he said in a whisper out of nowhere.
He came closer and closer to my face, our lips were only a few millimeters apart, which he bridged after less than a second.
He put his lips on mine.  At first I was a little surprised and stiffened, but then I returned the kiss, which made Draco grin into the kiss.
When we broke away from each other, we still looked each other in the eye, I didn't know the feeling I was feeling at that moment, and it scared me.
I looked at Draco with wide eyes and made some space between us by taking a step back.
Draco looked at me confused and hurt at the same time.
He took a step towards me and wanted to grab my hand.
But I avoided him.
"I can't do that, do you understand?"
I threw him in the head and clapped Draco with my right hand and ran back to the castle.
I didn't turn around knowing he was looking after me.

How do I feel when he is near me ........?