Surprising turn - a turn for the better? Or into madness ... (Draco Ff)

Chapter 24 ~ Devil in the blood and madness in the head

Victoria's pov.

A few weeks have passed since the incident on that one night.
March would soon begin and another month would pass.
Another month less until Dumbledore's death.
I hadn't told Draco about that night.
I hadn't told him how many people I had already killed.
He wouldn't understand this.
Every life is precious to him, even a Muggle's.
I thought so too at first, but as the number of victims continued to mount, I often forgot to feel shame and remorse.
At first it ate me up inside.
It took me more and more of myself.
It took away my personality, my own perspective and way of thinking.
I felt like a shell.
A shell that supports my face.
A shell that speaks my voice.
But I shouldn't care, I haven't felt any remorse since victim number 20.
Since then I didn't care.
They were just muggles, nothing but scum.
A hideous pack.
But no one can find out about it.
I don't want anyone to know that I'm a murderer.
Especially not Draco.
He would hate me.
But maybe it would be better that way.
Maybe it would make everything easier.
Maybe then I could relieve him of his burden of killing someone.
He didn't deserve to feel this way.
He was a wreck mentally.
Every little touch could trigger so much in him.
Back then that night, when the Ice Prince was waiting for me in the common room, noticing my disappearance, I tried not to look at him.
I didn't answer any of his questions.
Had closed myself to him.
turned away from him.
He shouldn't see my crazy look in my eyes.
I didn't want to burden him with it.
After all, we are a couple, or at least we were.
The last few weeks have not worked in our relationship.
We spoke to each other, but only what was absolutely necessary.
He has tried to bring this up with me many times, but I always change the subject before he knows too much.
I haven't heard from the dark lord for a long time.
Somehow I was hoping for a letter with the place and time.
I wanted to feel that dynamic, intense, and relentless force flowing through my entire body to my fingertips again, which only appeared when the Killing Curse left the wand and struck its victim.
But no letter was addressed to me.

"Hey Viktoria, are you even listening to me?" the Ice Prince asked while snapping his fingers in front of my face.
I raised my eyes and met his eyes.
I didn't reply.
"Class is over, we wanted to go to the Room of Requirement to test the cabinet with a living being," he accused me, assuming I had forgotten.
But he wasn't wrong.
I really didn't know anymore.
"Come on, come on," Malfoy said, a little more annoyed, pulling me behind him.
I hadn't even noticed that I hadn't moved a bit from my seat.
So I just let myself be dragged along.
The touch on his part made me extremely uncomfortable.
Not because I didn't love him anymore, but because it made me feel like nothing had happened.
As if I had only imagined the 34 dead that died at my hands.
It made no sense for me or for his benefit to continue like this.
I pulled away from him so he let go of my hand.
"I can go by myself," I said a little harsher than I intended.
Draco turned to me and wanted to take both my hands in his, but took a step back.
"Do not touch me!  I don't want to and can't do that at the moment!"
I saw his eyes glaze over.  He tried to hold back the tears.
However, he succeeded only moderately.
A tear left his eye and rolled down his cheek.
He turned his head away, hoping I hadn't seen anything.
It hurt my heart.
Part of me wanted to jump into his arms, kiss him and never let go.
But the other part did exactly the opposite.
I just stood there and looked at him with emotionless eyes.
I took a step forward, but decided to step past him and continue toward the Room of Requirement.
A few feet ahead, I heard Draco whisper something softly.
"Why?"
Nothing more left his lips.
I didn't even turn around.
I did not know what to say.
At that moment almost everything said would have been wrong and hurtful.
"It's better this way," I finally got out of my mouth and continued on my way.
I felt Draco sink down the cool stone wall.
He had his head on his knees and his body was wracked with sobs.
A storm of emotions raged inside me.
I wanted to turn back.
Tell him I loved him.
But something stopped me.
I did nothing and turned the corner that led into the next hallway.
I just left Draco there, alone with his feelings.

I waited for him in front of the vanishing cabinet.
Didn't know if he was coming.
But he wanted to test something and I had no idea what.
My train of thought was interrupted when Draco entered the room.
He ignored me and opened the cabinet door.
He walked over to the other side of the room and opened a cage.
Put the little blue bird in the box, closed the door and cast the spell.
The bird was gone.
He waited.
After a few minutes, he cast the spell again.
Didn't open the door yet.
He wasn't ready for what was waiting for him behind the door.
He leaned his head against the closet, took a deep breath in and out, and then opened the vanishing closet.
The bird was dead...
He didn't move.
All the work had been in vain.
Draco kicked the box full force.
Banged it with his fist and screamed in desperation.
I got up and stood behind him.
"You know that was predictable, right?" I said calmly.
He turned to me and looked down at me.
"Leave it alone and now leave me alone," said the Ice Prince and then left the Room of Requirement.

After what happened, I decided to go to the great hall.
It was busy and many Gryffindor students were standing in a circle around one person.
Upon closer inspection, I noticed that it was Katy Bell, who appears to have been released from St. Mungo's after the accident with the cursed necklace intended for Dumbledore.
I didn't pay her any further attention and sat down at my house table.
I had a complete view of everything.
He kept glancing at the Gryffindors, the teachers and the entrance to the great hall.
When suddenly Draco entered the hall and saw Katy Bell, he immediately fled.
But Potter had caught his reaction to Katy and was putting two and two together.
He knew he was responsible for it.
He followed Draco out of the hall.
I didn't know what to do now.
I got up and followed the two.
Only the hallway was empty.
I had no idea where they had gone.
I wandered through the corridors but found neither Draco nor Potter.
Until I could make out the sounds of fighting.
They stop halfway through the castle.
I couldn't tell where they were coming from, but I tried to follow the sounds anyway.
As I passed Moaning Myrtle's toilet, I heard it loud and clear.
Potter and Draco must be in here.
But suddenly when I wanted to enter the toilet, the fighting noises stopped.
It was dead quiet.
I didn't suspect anything good.
Threw open the door and stumbled into Moaning Myrtle's loo.
I almost slipped because half the toilet was under water.
But the water gradually turned red.
It mixed with blood.
I looked up to see the Ice Prince's lifeless body lying in his own pool of blood in the middle of the toilet.
I fought back tears, frozen with fear.
Couldn't move so looked around the room.
My gaze stopped at the only person left in the room.
It was Potter.
He was standing in a corner of the room, his wand still half-raised.
A shocked expression graced his face.
He did this to Draco...
I felt a great deal of anger boiling up inside me.
I didn't know if I could control myself.
But when I looked back at Draco, I couldn't hold myself back and started towards Potter.
I balled my hands into fists and drew back.
I hit Potter full force in the nose, which immediately started bleeding.
He sank to the ground and held her painfully.
I grabbed his collar and lifted me off the floor.
I yelled, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" and grabbed his neck until he gagged and gasped.
"II didn't know w-what the Z-spell did," the Gryffindor ground out shakily.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DID NOT KNOW WHAT IT WILL DO.
THEN WHY DID YOU USE IT?" I asked him, tears of anger rolling down my cheeks.
I drew back and hit as hard as I could.
He slumped to the ground.
"NOW GET OUT!!!!" I yelled at him pushing him towards the door.
As if bitten by a tarantula, I ran to Draco and knelt in front of him.
My school uniform was soaked and turned red.
I tried healing spells to close his profusely bleeding cuts, but to no avail.
I threw my wand on the floor and pressed my hands to the bleeding wounds.
The blood ran under my fingers and turned my hands an intense red.
I couldn't do anything.
There were too many cuts to stop everyone's bleeding.
Draco's shirt, which had once been white, had finally turned red.
I did not know, what I should do.
I just sat there.
Quiet.
Unable to move...
"Off you go," said the monotonous voice of the former potions professor.
I let go of him and heard Snape mumble some words I hadn't heard before, but it worked.
The blood flowed back into Draco's body and the cuts closed.
The professor used a levitation spell to transport the Ice Prince behind him, leaving Moaning Myrtle's toilet.
I was still paralyzed and finally managed to lean against the wall.
My clothes were soaked with blood and hung heavily on my body.
I had stopped crying and laid my head on my bent knees.
I had no idea how to proceed.
Asked me this question all the time and just stared into space.....