Surprising turn - a turn for the better? Or into madness ... (Draco Ff)

Chapter 35 ~ The fear of failure is my enemy

Victoria's Pov.

"Miss Lestrange, is staring at holes any more interesting than following my classes?" I heard the muffled monotonous voice of our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.
I snapped out of my trance and, embarrassed, tried to avoid eye contact with Professor Snape.
"No Professor, please continue." I tried to save myself from the situation.
He looked at me intently for a moment before turning his attention back to the class and his lessons.
I supported my head with my left hand and felt my gaze drift off into the distance again.
I had trouble concentrating.
I let my eyes wander over the students one more time and stopped at Draco, who had involuntarily taken a seat in the front row, since he was late for Snape's class and he wouldn't put up with it.
He seemed a little restless to me.
He tapped his foot and kneaded his pale fingers.
He kept glancing impatiently at the clock and couldn't seem to stand being in the classroom much longer.
I turned away from him and turned my attention to the Gryffindors sitting across the classroom.
They were all acting very strangely.
Almost everyone was whispering across the benches and seemed very upset.
My eyes lingered on Granger and scanned the perimeter.
There was no sign of Weasley.
At first I thought he and Potter were up to something again.
I quickly dismissed the thought, however, when I spotted Potter a row ahead of Granger.
My gaze slid to him and even when he noticed that I seemed to be watching him and also didn't take my eyes off me, I didn't look away.
Something was wrong.
Something seemed to have happened that everyone but the Slytherins probably knew about.
Potter gave me a critical look, but then turned his back on me as the end-of-hour bell began to ring.
He and Granger left the room with brisk steps and the rest of the Gryffindors seemed to be in a hurry to leave the room as well.
I slowly got up and packed my books when two strong arms wrapped around my waist.
My eyes were still focused on the door Potter and Granger exited through earlier.
"What's so exciting about the door?" Draco asked me, resting his head on my shoulder.
"Nothing..." I replied, still half lost in thought.
But then I turned to him and slung my bag over my shoulder.
"Let's go eat!" I tried to cover up the funny situation and got a questioning look from my counterpart.
"Good..." said young Malfoy, shaking his head briefly to get rid of the rest of his thoughts.
He took my hand and headed for the door to leave the classroom.
However, we were stopped by a less than cheerful Professor Snape.
"You two, one word!" I heard the Death Eater's monotonous voice.
I exhaled loudly and turned around with a jerk.
"What is it!?" I said in a very unfriendly tone.
Beside me, Draco tensed and tightened our hands.
"Well," Snape continued, rising from his desk.
He walked towards us with slow, menacing steps, the end of his cloak scraping the ground.
"Mr.  Weasley was admitted to the hospital wing last night.
He had been drinking from a poisoned bottle of mead and could only be saved with Potter's help." He looked at us intently, while my gaze slid briefly to Draco, who immediately lost all color from his face and made him look even paler.
"And what should we have to do with it?" said the aforementioned in a surprisingly firm voice.
"Well," Snape repeated, slowly pacing around us and my throat instantly felt exceedingly dry.
It hadn't worked again.
The plan failed again.
Time was running out.
There wasn't much left to come up with another assassination plan.
"The bottle was from Slughorn, but it was originally intended for Dumbledore as Slughorn wanted to give it away." He stopped right in front of us and eyed us both earnestly.
"What are you up to?"
I swallowed hard.
I didn't trust him.
"Nothing," I got out easily, not taking my eyes off of him.
"Why don't I believe you, Victoria?" the former potions professor asked sullenly, crossing his arms.
I felt him trying to get into my head, but I was able to prevent it.
"What thoughts are you trying to hide from me?" He looked at me energetically and seemed to be waiting for an answer from me.
I didn't even think about it and exhaled heavily.
"Leave us alone and don't meddle in someone else's business!" Draco raised his voice and stormily dragged me out of the room.
I followed him without even knowing where he was going.
When I felt fresh air, I was able to breathe freely again and felt the pressure on my chest lift.
He walked towards the lake and dropped onto the green grass.
I did the same and sat down next to him.
"You have to kill him personally now, don't you?" I asked thoughtlessly, throwing small pebbles into the lake.
Draco just nodded and seemed on the verge of tears.
He didn't seem too thrilled about it either.
"You know what that means," I said my thoughts out loud.
"I failed, Victoria.
Yet again."
"No, Draco, we failed," I interrupted young Malfoy, pausing briefly.
A tear ran down his cheek and he continued to stare straight ahead.
I knew he wouldn't be able to kill Dumbledore.
I looked down at my hands and realized how much blood was actually on them.
I saw all the innocent victims again in my mind's eye.
I shook my head vigorously to get rid of that memory.
However, not everyone was expelled.
I will never be able to undo these actions.
I was a killer
I didn't want Draco to feel like me.
He didn't deserve to suffer like this.
"I can't kill anyone.  I just can't do this." I took Draco's cracked voice beside me and looked at him.
More and more hot tears left his eyes and left salty welts on his face.
I leaned in and cupped his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me.
I took him in my arms and felt his body shaking with violent sobs.
"Everything will be fine, we can do it." I said in a soft tone and stroked his back.
We sat there for a long time without saying anything.
I just held onto Draco and tried to stay strong myself.
He pulled away from me and looked at me.
"If I don't, my father will never come back..." he nuzzled his face in my hands, which I had placed on his cheeks again.
He closed his eyes for a moment and calmed down a bit.
When he opened his eyes again, he tried to manage a smile but failed miserably.
I wiped the last tear from his face with my thumb and looked into his eyes.
"Thanks," Draco whispered, pulling me closer and kissing me in the shade of the tall tree.
Many would describe the moment as perfect.
And so was he.
It was one of those moments to enjoy because you didn't know when and if it would ever happen again.