Surprising turn - a turn for the better? Or into madness ... (Draco Ff)

Chapter 15 ~ "I will never forget what was between us."

Victoria's Pov.

For days or weeks I barely closed an eye; I was always plagued by traumatizing nightmares in which someone always had to die.
I always woke up after what felt like hours of suffering.
Whenever I tried to close my eyes, I would open them again immediately, because no matter what I did, even if my eyes were closed, I saw all the people who died in my dreams, but not in a natural way ...
Often there are people who have nothing to do with all of this.
Muggles, children, other wizards and witches and also students from Hogwarts, who are first tortured in a cruel manner, each individually and in agony, either by a Death Eater or the Dark Lord personally, this is repeated over and over again and only when the perpetrator is the fun  stopped, the person is killed and simply left there night after night.
Like today I woke up all of a sudden with a small shout and was now sitting bolt upright in my bed.
Fortunately, nobody woke up, but I was still breathing hard and my heart was racing in my chest like I had run a marathon.
Beads of sweat run down my forehead and my eyes are soaked with tears.
I had dreamed again, but the nightmares keep getting worse, the closer the day comes when everything should be ready, until the day when Dumbledore has to die.

When I calmed down a bit, I look around the Slytherin girls' dormitory, but I didn't see anything as it was still pitch dark, which means that it is still the middle of the night.
Sleep was out of the question now and so I decided to just sneak around the castle and the corridors.
I pulled on an oversized sweater and left the dormitory.
As expected, the common room was also empty, as normal people would still be asleep at that time, just not me.
I left the common room and wandered the hallways.
It was cooler than I thought, which is why I was freezing.  I wrapped my arms around my body to warm myself a bit and looked down at myself and noticed that I was only wearing short pajamas, socks and a Draco sweater.
Draco, I probably hadn't talked to him for weeks, because now it's the middle of November.
Time passed very quickly.

I would be lying if I said that the breakup would be good for both of us, but it is not, quite the opposite.
Nobody should go through this alone, nobody should have to carry such a burden on their shoulders and yet we make it so difficult for ourselves.
My feelings towards him haven't changed a bit, but whether I want to repeat all of this is another question to which I have no answer.
At the moment I have reached the point where nothing can be done and no improvement is in sight ...

I was torn from my thoughts when the rising sun shone on my face through one of the tower windows.
What time is it now?
Have I really wandered the corridors here for hours?
Apparently, because although I can't see it, I know that some early risers are now slowly leaving their beds to get ready, although this is not necessary as it is Sunday today.

Has the great hall already served food?
I'll have to find out, so I headed for the great hall.
Only now do I realize how far I had gone because the Ravenclaw common room is right in front of me.
I hesitated shortly before I opened the large double door to the hall and then realized that no one was there yet.
I sat down on my house table anyway and waited.
It can't be long and I should be right because when a cheerful Dumbledore entered the great hall, the house tables were filled with delicious food.
However, I didn’t miss Dumbledore’s surprised and yet doubtful look, but I didn’t show anything and drank my first glass of water.

When it was 9:00 a.m., the first students trotted into the hall to have breakfast and a few Slytherins showed up.
Thank Merlin, nobody I knew better.
I would still miss that now if a Zabini or Draco walked into the hall.
I was spared for now.
When the great hall was already feeling good and the conversations got louder and louder, I decided to leave it.
I stepped through the double doors, but was suddenly pulled into an empty corridor.
On closer inspection, I saw Draco dragging my wrist with him.
I let it go, because I had no nerve to argue with anyone and had no strength to leave.
When Draco had mercy and stopped, he stood across from me but didn't let go of my wrist.
He scanned me from top to bottom, his gaze caught on the oversized sweater that belonged to him and smiled lovingly at me.
We were very close to each other, which is why I took a step backwards, not missing his brief, pained look.
He stared into my eyes, it was as if they were looking through me as if Draco could see how I was really doing.
After longer minutes, I could no longer hold his gaze and looked embarrassed but also injured at the floor.
“Victoria, listen to me.  I know I was an asshole, but I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything.
Without you I will definitely not be able to do this job, this burden is too big for one person to carry it alone. "
I don't make a sound, just turn away and start walking, but Draco thwarted my plans.
He pulled my wrist, jerkily, yet gently, so that I bumped into his chest.
Since Draco was taller, I had to lift my head to look at him.
He smiled lovingly at me from above and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
Although I was used to it from before, it still felt uncomfortable.
It still tingled when he touched my cheek, but now so intensely that it was almost unbearable.
All of my feelings that had hidden inside of me now came out.
A wave of feelings ran through my whole body.
Just like in the past, only stronger.
I just didn't know what I wanted or what was right.
Draco was still very important to me, but would that be the right decision?

I tore my eyes away from him and looked away again.
I noticed how tears made their way into my eyes, but I blinked them away quickly.
But Draco had seen her.
He took my chin in his hand and gently turned my head in his direction so that I had to look at him now.
I noticed how more tears ran down my cheeks incessantly.
I closed my eyes for a moment to calm myself down and gently felt someone wipe my tears away.
Where Draco touched me it tingled so hard it was almost uncomfortable.
I opened my eyes again and looked into a gently smiling face that belonged to Draco Malfoy.
"Please Victoria, don't hate me for that," Draco breathed so softly that I had barely understood.
He took my face in both of his hands, getting closer and closer to my face until we were only inches from each other.
I felt his hot breath on my lips.
Draco now also bridged the last few inches that lay between us.
He put his rough lips on mine.
Without knowing why I returned the kiss, but something in my head screamed that I should stop, otherwise it would hurt me again.
Even though I loved Draco, I knew the voice was right.
We lived in a world where there was war, there was no perfect life, and there was no place for love either.
Least of all for those on the other side.
Like Draco or me ...

I suddenly widened my eyes and broke the kiss by turning my head to one side and pushing Draco away from me.
I can't, not again, not now.
I turned and turned my back to Draco and waited.
When nothing came from his side, I said, "Draco, I can't do this again, not when we live in such a world and we have a job to do."
I turned around but stopped a few feet from Draco and saw his eyes glaze over.
"Of course I understand, I screwed it up a lot, didn't I?"
“Yes, but my decision has nothing to do with it, I have long forgiven you.
I could never hate you, you are just too important to me for that, but it's better that way now. "
I walked slowly up to Draco and hugged him while whispering in his ear, "Everything will get better someday, trust me.
I love you and I always will, but for now we should leave it at that.  I have long forgiven you for everything.
We just forget everything that was between us and just stay friends. "
After saying that I turned and walked slowly down the hall, but before I turned the corner I heard a "I'll never forget what was between us," from Draco before I finally made my way  continued ...