To Love *The Maze Runner/Newt Fanfic*

Chapter 32

~~~Important Authors Notes~~~

HIIII GUYS!! I'm going to try and get right to the point because nobody likes long authors notes *especially at the beginning.*

So yah, this chapter is really different. And I'm not too sure if other Newt fanfictions on Wattpad have written things like it, but I feel that this chapter will add to the overall message I want to convey in my story.

And sadly I can't talk about that 'message' yet because it'll spoil future chapters, BUT basically, I just think I should explain that I don't believe that suicide is right or that someone should ever feel so awful that they want to die. But people do feel that way sometimes.

But I also believe that help is out there and that everyone can find hope in someone. Even if that someone has to be yourself. And that's one of the main points I want to make through my writing.

So yah, To Love isn't necessarily about Brianne and Newt falling in love, but more so Newt learning To Love himself.

^That is all I shall give away for now! Enjoy *if you even can* this ever so saddening chapter about the beginning of Newt's limp.

~~~

~~~Newt's Pov~~~

I laced up my sneakers, the pattern of over, under, loop performed effortlessly.

At least you can do that right.

Today was going to be a difficult day. I mean, I'd woken up extra early, just so I could take a final stroll around the glade.

I'd walked through the deadheads remembering all of the times Brianne and I had shared there. I'd stood in front of the box for about thirty minutes reliving every beginning that was born from it.

Remembering was hard, I realized. Maybe that's why the Creators took our memories away: they knew that the past was hard to bear. I guess, I'd never thought of my lack of memory in that way; somebody could just be trying to protect us.

Besides the remembering and the reminiscing I did this morning, I'd sat in the storage cellar for a good two hours, writing the final page of my book. Okay, maybe not book, but more like letter. A letter I planned on somehow getting to Brianne. It explained everything I was too scared to say last night. From why I had to leave, to how much I loved her. It seemed stupid even now, thinking about the words I wrote, but I had to explain myself. I don't know why I felt this way, but I did. I just feel like I need to apologize; to compensate the small part of Brianne that'll miss me for a few days.

So now the time was- actually I wasn't too sure what time it was as I walked past the kitchen that was now packed with people. I passed it without a second glance and went straight towards the homestead. No need to eat; I wouldn't need food today.

I reached into my pocket, feeling for the folded paper. For some reason this was comforting to me: knowing that I could do this without hurting anyone. 'Nobody was going to care,' I repeated to myself. 'People won't care. There's no time for sadness in the glade.' That was all I had to back myself up on this decision.

Please, Newt. You stupid loser. You're going to break Brianne's heart. She's going to hate you.

"It won't matter what she thinks." I muttered to myself, as I opened the door to the homestead.

The boards creaked an all too familiar sound underneath my feet. And my heart raced as I took on the stairs two at a time. I couldn't help but remember that this would be the last time I'd ever walked up these stairs. This was hard, but the time for reminiscing was over.