Yours // Mikey

Twenty One - Choice

Sometimes, I ask myself what the point of living is. When you're dead inside, you just don't care about the outside. As if you're a walking dead trying to survive the world.

A zombie, perhaps.

Of course, you wouldn't be a walking dead if you weren't hurt by the world. I was hurt by the world, but most of all, I was hurt by me. When I received too much suffering, I decided to shut it off.

Pain was gone.

All I felt was being dead. I became numb.

Every time I hit my head on the ground and every unlucky moment that my fingers scream pain from electricity still hurt, however, it just didn't matter anymore. Pain didn't matter.

Or maybe I didn't become numb. Maybe I just pretended to be numb by disregarding my feelings. Besides, it didn't seem to matter. I didn't seem to matter. It all gave me pain, but most of all...

I hate it when I wipe my tears whenever I face my relatives.

I hate it when I fake my smiles when I join with my friends.

I hate it every time I cry at night when my family's asleep.

And worst, I hate it when I hug myself just as I finished hurting myself.

Yes. I might be dead inside, but you know what?

Even the dead longs to live sometimes.

I still wanted to live.

It's my choice to live on.

"You're a mess, poor girl. You should know now what interrupting family business will do to you," Taiju said.

He was right. I was a whole mess. Just a mess in this world, a heavy weight of trash. But... at least I still tried to live. I still tried to better myself. And most of all, compare to them, I still haven't hurt anyone with my self-centered intentions.

"Family business?" I scoffed and wiped the blood on my nose.

"Delle! What are you doing?! Stop it already, please!" Takemichi yelled, panicking.

I sighed, feeling the pain in my body, the tickles in my head, the warmth of my blood, and the brokenness of my heart. Just because I didn't want my pain to matter doesn't mean I don't matter. I was wrong because I matter.

We all do.

"Yuzuha-san..." I spoke, calling their attention. "And Hakkai-kun don't deserve this..." I bit my lip, tears pooling my eyes. "No one deserves this..."

Or... maybe we all do... for sinning and making this world evil more than it already is.

"Delle-san..." Yuzuha-san weeped.

I looked at her and shook my head, reassuring her that I'll be fine. Taiju stepped forward and looked down on me. His expression told me how much of a bother I was. It's not new to me anymore. Those kind of eyes. The eyes that tell me how much of a disappointment I am.

"Delle! Wait! Stop!" Michi tried running to me, but I raised my hand to stop him. "Why..?"

"This is not your fight, Delle-san! Stop it!" Yuzuha-san screamed, but my eyes were focused on Taiju.

"You're a tough one," he said, lifting a brow.