Yours // Mikey

Twelve - Neighbor

"She's not getting better, Hide!"

There it was again. The screams. The complaints. The arguments. The pain. The suffering. The cycle. It's happening again. My living nightmares.

"I know, Maya. Let's give her a little more time."

I heard a groan and a deep breath.

"She's been stuck in her room all day. She's not doing the chores, she's stopped school, and she doesn't even try to tell us what's wrong with her!"

You never really cared anyways, mom...

My dad sighed. "Let her be for a while."

And you never even tried to, dad...

"It's been months, Hide!"

"I know!" He shouted back. "I know, Maya. I can see that. Our daughter isn't feeling well! She's..."

Automatically, the hands of mine covered my ears. I couldn't handle it no more. I couldn't listen to them any longer. It doesn't make me feel better. I just feel worse by listening to them having a hard time dealing with me.

You know it's heartbreaking when people keep complaining how tired they are dealing with you, but little do they know, you're tired the most for dealing with yourself.

For a long time, I felt helpless. I felt useless. I felt as if I was just living to survive. I was even barely living. I looked alive, but I wasn't inside. It was exhausting trying to deal with myself.

There were thousands of voices in my head that are fighting with each other. I couldn't keep up. That's why I end up mostly crying alone at night while hugging my pillow, hiding myself under a blanket and covering my mouth as I silence my own cries.

Those times were the worst nights in my life.

"Ah!" I flinched the second my hands got electrified from the cord I was about to plug in.

"Hey, sister!" My brother called.

I can't deal with you right now, brother.

I sighed. "What is it this time?"

Here we go again.

"You should clean the other room," he said.

I can't move.

"Why me?"

I'm tired.

"You've got nothing to do, right?"

I paused for a moment. "Hm... okay."

My eyes dropped down, dead. Yes, I've got nothing to do. It's because I don't know what to do anymore. Life seemed nonsense to me. I couldn't achieve anything. I couldn't do anything. People looked up to me before, but I failed them.

But most of all, I failed myself.