Jimercury oneshots! ❤️

Life is hard sometimes - Fluff (PART ONE)

A/N - parallel universe in which Freddie and Jim don't get the babies they tried so hard for. TW: MENTIONS OF MISCARRIAGE ⚠️

Freddie POV:

He thought it would be okay. I thought it would be ok. The doctor said the twins were perfectly healthy. He said they were growing perfectly and that the way they were going I was set to have induced labor at 38 weeks. My poor babies...

I shouldn't have mentioned my sickness. It was normal, I knew it was, but I had to go and be dramatic. The doctor gave me pills to take. He assured me that were 100% safe. He lied. It wasn't even two hours after I took them that I felt the blood trickle down my legs. The pain was unbearable. Jim wasn't even home. I screamed for Joe, but he was out shopping. I called Mary. She drove me to the hospital, only kissing me on the cheek with a cheery "it's okay!" When I tearfully apologised for getting blood all over her car seat. It's not ok you stupid bitch, cant you see that?! My babies are dying!

I was only 23 weeks, although I looked further along. I miss feeling them roll around in my tummy. I couldn't walk, Mary had to go inside and call out a nurse to get me in a wheelchair. I couldn't stop crying. I was too far along for the babies to pass through naturally. My legs were put into stirrups, and I suddenly wished Jim was here. My Jim always knew what to do. Mary said she called him, but I somehow didn't believe her. I couldn't do anything about it anyway.

It burned so much. It killed me when my first baby, a little girl, came out of me and she didn't cry. It felt incomplete, Scary. I had to push out the second before I could look at them. I didn't mind. It wasn't as if they'd be able to know who I was anyway. It was daunting being in the hospital room, pushing out two babies with no hand to hold. I wish somebody was there. Jim, mama, anyone. But I was alone. Mary certainly made no effort to stay by my side as I was told I had to push them out. My complete lower half ached painfully. It was very traumatic for me.

I held the two little lifeless bodies in my arms and I felt like the worst parent in the world. It was my fault. They were in my tummy, they were meant to be safe in there. I didn't understand. It broke my heart.

I had two little girls. Jim and I had already decided on names for boys and girls. Our two choices for boys were Lucas and Theodore. For girls, it was Sophia and Emilia. Sophie and Emi lay peacefully on my chest, and I felt like jumping off a bridge. They didn't even get the chance to open their pretty little eyes. It was all my fault.

It's been three months since it happened. Turned out that Jim wasn't even told what was going on. He was away on a business trip anyway, he wouldn't have needed to return until the following week. I called him as soon as I was released from the hospital, wondering why he hadn't come to visit me. "Jim what the hell? You didn't even get to see the babies."

"Freddie? what are you talking about? What's happened?"

I felt like I was dying inside, as I had to break the news to Jim over the phone. I was going to kill Mary. Jim's sobs through the phone haunted my mind. I cried silent tears. "Please come home."

"Of course. I love you baby. It's not your fault, remember that."

Liar.

I don't remember truly smiling since. Sometimes I wish I hadn't asked to see them after they were born. That way I couldn't have gotten so attached. Whenever I close my eyes I see their faces, snuggled up against my chest. We got their ashes in a necklace for each of us, and a big teddy bear that sits on a chair in the corner of our bedroom. I kiss it goodnight every night.

——————————————————

My necklace feels heavy around my neck as I trudge downstairs in the dead of night. Recently I'd been having horrible nightmares of my miscarriage. I always woke up at 4:23am. I turned on the kitchen light and made myself a coffee. I sat on one of the chairs, on the little table in the corner of the kitchen. I sipped it, thinking to myself, eyes focusing on a random spot on the wall. I thought about my babies.

I just remembered... I was supposed to be induced with the twins today. The necklace feels even heavier now. I couldn't help my hand grazing along my flat stomach. I wish it wasn't flat. Maybe one day it wouldn't be.