Exploding Hearts (bxb) | ✔

T W E N T Y - F O U R

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OLIVER FLETCHER

PAST
JUNE 2019

Now that my first year of university was over and I had a few months off for summer, I had no clue what I wanted to do with my time. I was still paying for my halls accommodation so I didn't want to go home just yet considering money was fairly tight at the moment.

But as Max spent the weekend moving his stuff to his friend's house, I decided to take the train down to see my mother. Ever since she gave me that scare with the overdose I had been weary of her, making sure I took time out of my day to message and call when I could.

She seemed better, she had been prescribed new medication for her mental health which I was pleased about, started seeing a therapist and getting out a bit more.

I wish I could say that I had come down to see her more but completing my work was building up on me, the stress was like no other. Guilt built up in my body at the thought of not being here more, maybe I needed to be better. Especially now Max had graduated, I would have more time.

As I approach my mothers front door I grasp the bunch of pink roses in one hand as I raise my other to knock. After a few moments it swings open and my mum stands, smiling back at me.

"Oli," she says as she holds out her arms, stepping forward to embrace her body.

"Hi mum," I say as I wrap my arms around her body. "How are you?"

"I'm well," she nods, squeezing onto my shoulders tightly. "How are you my love?"

"I'm good," I say in return, pulling back slightly. "Just pleased to see you."

"Me too," she smiles, her eyes crinkling at the sides. I noticed how heavy the bags under her eyes were, shades of blue and purple like she hadn't slept.

I frown but move the roses to her hands. "I got you these," I say brightly.

Her dull eyes float down to the flowers as she beams at me but her exhaustion shone through. "Oh Oli, thank you so much. That is so sweet of you."

"That's okay," I shake my head.

"Come in and I can put them in a vase." She pulls away from the door and turns, walking down the hall and into the kitchen.

I shut the door behind me and follow her, watching as she fills up an obtuse vase with water and places the flowers inside gently. "There," she grins back at them. "How beautiful."

"Glad you like them mum," I comment.

"Let's sit and we can have a good old catch up," she nods towards me, flicking the kettle on as we walk towards the living room.

I place myself down onto the green material sofa, my mother sitting in the armchair across the room. She reaches across to a cupboard and takes out a bottle of pills, dumping a couple onto her hand and throwing them into her mouth.

She grasps a cup of water and swallows. "The doctor gave me some more pills," she tells me before lowering the glass.

"What are they for?" I ask curiously as I shuffle up into my seat.

"Anxiety, depression," she lists. "Everything really."

"How many are you meant to be taking?"

Her shoulders shrug. "A couple."

"Mum—"

"Anyway, how have you been my dear?" She grins at me, her eyes falling limp. "I haven't seen you for a while."